Speak positively about your marriage. Often. Very often. To each other, to others, in public (appropriately). What we praise grows. Praise the time you’ve been together so far. Praise the life and home you have built together. Praise the tough times you’ve overcome together. The easy times. The happy times. Praise how your differences work […]
Speak positively about your marriage. Often. Read More »
Clarity determines the quality of your response to a situation. But too often in a stressful situation, we develop some sort of brain fog that impedes us from seeing the fullness of the situation and the possibilities and the long-term outcomes of knee-jerk reactions. It is hard to gain perspective when you are stressed. First,
How clearly we see determines how effectively we act in any situation. Read More »
Suppressing or withholding what is on your mind is counter to intimacy. It may be hard or uncomfortable to talk about it, but you probably should. If you say it with respect and tact, your spouse can probably handle the truth. If suppressing has become a pattern in your relationship, you can – and ought
Yes, I can handle the truth. Read More »
Being on the receiving end of a compliment can feel downright uncomfortable for many. So, we might reject it, dismiss it, deny it, downplay it, change the subject altogether, or simply shut it down. But that discounts the giver of the compliment. Saying “thank you” to a compliment doesn’t just acknowledge their kindness, thoughtfulness, effort,
How to respond to compliments. Read More »
When someone is angry, frustrated or worried, your instinctual and intuitive reaction may be to try to calm them down, urge them to cool off, suggest it’s not worth getting so upset about. And sometimes that may work. It is even better to allow them to vent and get it all out. When someone is
How to respond when someone vents to you. Read More »
Sometimes, your spouse just needs to unwind alone – in the comfort and quiet of their own space, on their own terms. It doesn’t necessarily say anything about the relationship. Plan to leave the house. Go out with friends. Do your errands. Take an exercise walk. Take the kids out for a few hours. Give
Leave the house to your spouse to be alone. Read More »
Before you argue with someone, ask yourself if that person is ready to hear a different perspective. If not, there really is no point in having a discussion. Actually, first, ask yourself why you want to have that conversation. Do you want to change their mind? Do you want them to do something differently? Are
The golden rule of argument. Read More »
Of course, emergencies come up all the time. This is not about those. This is about the times when people put you on the spot with what they deem urgent matters and want your time or assistance. Some examples: The person who didn’t do their part before a deadline. The kid who forgot about buying
Someone else’s urgency doesn’t have to be your emergency. Read More »
If you like something, but your spouse doesn’t, you could do what they like too. Just for them. With a smile. For example, you love cauliflower rice and your spouse prefers white rice, you could make both. You don’t have to get them to like cauliflower rice. And you don’t have to forgo it either.
Make loving exceptions for your spouse. Read More »
When we see people clearly and lovingly, we are more understanding and forgiving of their words or behavior*. When we see clearly, we recognize that someone’s comment or behavior may have very little to do with us. It may be that the other person is hungry, tired, stressed, afraid, reacting from a trigger. Their actions
Clarity counteracts resentment. Read More »
