It is about the math. As soon as a person is looking for a quality or feature that is above-average – in other words, less common – there are fewer such people in the population. If a person seeks several qualities at a level that is above average for that particular feature, the number of […]
Why can’t I find someone with all the qualities I am looking for? Read More »
Many people find something exhilarating about dating someone particularly smart. They find it easier to respect the person and take them seriously. They find the conversation is more stimulating and engaging. Where it gets complicated is when people also want – or more likely need – other features in their spouse which do not necessarily
I am attracted to smart people, is that a problem? Read More »
Clearly, there are halachic, spiritual and psychological issues with pornography. Here we are looking at ‘addiction’ to porn, which means that the person feels a degree of compulsion. An addiction will interfere with your normal functioning, and it will undermine the level of focus and motivation that you could otherwise direct towards dating. Dating takes
How addiction to pornography could be affecting your dating. Read More »
Some people find that whomever they date, they invariably find themselves dissatisfied. Nothing seems to work for them. Usually, people who struggle in this way think they are being entirely reasonable and are entirely unaware there could be a problem in how they view things. A common cause is that the person has “a divided
Are there actually two of you dating? Why you may be perpetually dissatisfied. Read More »
Guilt is a healthy response as a reaction to the past, yet it is a dysfunctional response to our posture for the future. If the guilt is undermining your confidence in your ability to move forward in your life, it is a really bad thing. Experiencing guilt and shame means identifying what psychologists call an
“I did things in the past that I am now ashamed of; the guilt is eating me up.” Read More »
You are single and have been trying to get married for a while. Things are not going so well. You have dated a decent number of people, and not only have you not met ultimate success (hence your single status), but you have had several difficult experiences. You are unsure why this is happening, and
Do I need therapy? Read More »
Many of us are inclined to form adult relationships that are what psychologists call “poorly attached,” which could cause us to experience difficulties in dating. For example, you may find that there always is something that prevents you from reaching the commitment stage. Repeatedly you find that something impossible to ignore is bothering you, and
What is “attachment” and why is this so important for romantic relationships? Read More »
Do you actually know what you are looking for? Your list of preferences is only useful if real thought has gone into it. While you may learn things by actually meeting someone, you should not start dating without having a good sense of what you are looking for. Think of people you know who have
Knowing yourself, so that you know who to marry Read More »
A person does not have to be perfect to date, but a person does need to be in a fit mental state. Developing and maintaining a relationship requires the person to be able to focus on and prioritize the relationship and the person they seek to be in a relationship with. Someone struggling with any
Preconditions for dating Read More »
If you are told that a potential shidduch has a medical condition, it is reasonable for you to be apprehensive. Health is a very important issue. However, it is only one of many important issues married couples have to deal with. There are three sets of questions that you should ask to help you decide
Finding out about a medical condition Read More »
