The phrase ‘elephant in the room’ refers to an obvious problem or difficult situation that people do not want to talk about. Ignoring an obvious problem is a type of conflict avoidance- people fear the stress and negativity that could result, especially from pointing out what feels like an “obvious” problem. In reality, you can’t […]
Don’t avoid talking about it. Read More »
Stick with the issue. It’s enough to deal with the problem without adding the new problem of hurting each other’s feelings. Keep focused.
Go after the issue, not each other. Read More »
The objective for having a conversation about the issue is for improvement. Those past mistakes have served their purpose; they have made you aware of what needs improvement. No need to bring them up again.
Focus on the future. Not past mistakes. Read More »
Have an interesting life. You will have less need (or time) to find fault or bicker.
Keep busy with things that are interesting to you. Read More »
Feedback and respectful confrontation are gifts we share to help one another grow. The key is your intent. If you really are providing the feedback to help your spouse, your words and tone should reflect that. That is, once you know the best way to share your insights. – Start off by asking for permission
Feedback is a gift to help you grow. Read More »
Catastrophizing is overestimating the importance of something that happens to us. Catastrophizations are exaggerations that don’t reflect the truth. In the heat of the moment, it can be really easy to feel like this one bad thing is going to change the course of our lives forever – or that it really is “the end
Don’t catastrophize. Read More »
Self improvement requires a balance of going outside of your “comfort zone,” but also recognizing when it’s time to go back inside your “comfort zone” to relax and re-energize.
Comfort Zone: Know when to leave and when to stay. Read More »
Getting triggered is a message: there’s a part of us that feels all that, needs our attention, and will continue to get triggered until has our focus. The key to growth and shifts in our relationships is moving away from reacting to the triggerer to the part of ourselves getting triggered. Zalman Nelson, LMSW discusses how to use triggers for personal development.
How childhood memories still trigger you today Read More »
Have you slept enough? Have you eaten properly? If the answer is no, then save your arguing for the morning. Often you will find that once you have slept and eaten you see things from a different perspective and you no longer feel angry.
If you feel angry, first self-reflect. Read More »
No one has the right to dictate how someone else will receive your words or their feelings or reactions. Thus, you really should not use the cliche “Don’t take this in the wrong way, but ….” There is no such thing as “the wrong way.” The receiver is going to take the speaker’s words the
You can’t tell people how to take in your words. Read More »
