What is it that you really want? The majority of people know exactly what they don’t want, but don’t really know what they DO want. Or, they sort of know the direction of what they want, but they haven’t clearly articulated it to themselves. And worse, they hope that their spouse or friend can figure […]
What do you really want? Read More »
Something big on your mind? Is it taking over your life? Do not let it consume you. Step out of the situation for a while. Do something else to distract you for a bit. The situation will still be there, but you’ll be in a clearer frame of mind. Take a long walk. Spend some
Don’t allow the issue to consume you. Step outside of it to gain clarity. Read More »
When you receive a gift or assistance, really receive it; it is a sign of gratitude and respect to the giver. The giver wants to give you something. Refusing the gift or assistance denies the giver of the joy of giving. If you don’t (yet) receive graciously, reflect about it. – Is it possible that
Receive graciously, so that your spouse can be a giver. Read More »
Language matters when you’re problem solving – generating information and ideas. Focus on “Yes, and,” rather than “No, but.” The “Yes, and” mindset encourages people to expand their thoughts, which is necessary during certain stages of creative problem solving. Using the word “but” – preceded by “yes” or “no” – ends conversation, and often negates
Problem solving? Think “Yes, and…” not “No, but …” Read More »
If you are unsure about something, just ask: “What do you mean by that?” Then check back to see if you really got what the other person meant. Allow the other to clarify. “So what I understand is …. Did I get that right?” NOTE: There is a huge difference between “So what you are
Do not keep replaying the offense in your mind. Do not dwell on your hurt feelings or pain. Release the person from your judgment. Consciously, decide to forgive them. Though you may not be able to forget what happened, you can make the decision not to dwell on past offenses. You if you put too
Forgiving is not forgetting. It is changing how you think about the hurt. Read More »
When you reach out to friends or others for support for something in your marriage, be very careful who you choose to talk to. And how you share what is going on. Your role is to describe it OBJECTIVELY as you can. For your sake. For the sake of your marriage. Many times, in the
To get useful support from friends, share as objectively as possible. Read More »
Your body sensations tell you what is going on for you. Different emotions are felt differently in your body. Think about how your body feels when you are anxious and when you calm. Scientists have researched and created HeatMaps that show where in the body different emotions are felt. Love is felt as warmth all
Pay attention to your body. It tells you about your feelings. Read More »
Successful marriages have two qualities in common even though the marriages themselves are as diverse as the couples in them: acceptance and faith. The honeymoon ends when the spouse in question (always the other spouse) does something thoroughly inexplicable and totally at odds with the logic of the judging spouse. Something that (try as they
Acceptance and faith. Keys for marriage. Read More »
On Shavuos, the anniversary of our ‘marriage to Hashem’, we renew and reenergize our relationship with Hashem and the Torah. When we first received the Torah, we declared “We will do and we will listen (to understand).” We committed ourselves to the relationship. Unconditionally. The same concept applies to our marriage with our spouse: We
Doing for your spouse. Listening to your spouse. Read More »
