If you did something that hurt your spouse – even if they hurt you too– own up to your part and apologize. Do not insist on a reciprocal apology. Don’t even anticipate one. You do what you should do. You are only responsible for and can only control your own words. The other person is […]
When apologizing, don’t insist on an apology back Read More »
‘Disqualifying the positive’ is when someone recognizes only negative aspects of a situation while ignoring the positive. It sounds something like: “Yes, but…” or “That doesn’t really count because…” or “They only did that because …” — “It’s true that they gave me a gift, but they only gave it to me because someone reminded
Don’t disqualify the positive in your life (even if it is ‘small’) Read More »
A hurt is a hurt and needs healing – no matter if it was an accident or done on purpose. We must apologize for any hurt that we inflicted. If someone was physically hurt, their body needs to heal – no matter how they got hurt, no matter if it was done by accident or
Apologize. Even if you didn’t do it on purpose Read More »
Because your marriage is unique and individual, it is important that you create your own marriage culture for your shared life. With its own set of guidelines for relating, deciding, communicating, sharing responsibilities, etc. These should be set up as agreements between the two of you. –“We agree that we will have a discussion before
Agreements for your marriage. Read More »
Our words create our reality. Hearing oneself apologizing all the time can lead a person to start feeling bad about being themselves. Sometimes, it isn’t an apology that is in order, but rather some gratitude. Instead of “I’m sorry I’m always late”, say “Thank you for waiting for me.” Instead of “I’m sorry I always
Instead of “I’m sorry”, say “Thank you” Read More »
Life is stressful. We all have a lot going on. Lots on our plate, lots on our mind. And all that stress might get in the way of playfulness and intimacy. It might be impossible to totally put aside all of life to be playful together. You might think of it as a series of
How to get in a ‘playful mood’ together. Read More »
Name calling should never be part of your communication. Never. Find another way to express your feelings other than calling names. Even if something your spouse did or said was unwise or ineffective or brought negative repercussions, don’t ever resort to name calling. It attacks the other person. It damages the relationship. It won’t change
Name calling is hurtful. And it does not help anything. Ever. Read More »
So many of the arguments in marriage are around money. People have different values and priorities. Different ways of making financial decisions. Most of the money goes to joint expenses – household, children, tuition, bills. But then there are some discretionary choices of where to spend some money on little luxuries or comforts. Here is
Financial arrangements. Ours. Mine. Yours. Read More »
Throughout your marriage, you will need to make many decisions together – some bigger than others. It is worthwhile to plan how you work through decision making. You may determine that certain areas are the domain of one spouse and the other can provide input, but the ultimate decision is that spouse. For example: home
Create a decision-making plan Read More »
The better you know your spouse’s history – their upbringing, their schooling, their experiences – the better you can put their behaviors into context. And you can bring up your empathy. That is not to say that understanding where they come from is to excuse their bad behavior. But it does help you better understand
