There’s a huge problem when one spouse is setting up their behavior as the baseline of normalcy. If the other spouse’s actions or reactions deviate from this false baseline, then they deemed the abnormal one. There is no one ‘right’ way to do things. One of the best ways any spouse can love their partner […]
Neither you or your spouse gets to set the baseline of normalcy. Read More »
Also don’t say: “Don’t be so sensitive.” “You’re overreacting.” One of the worst things you can do is to tell someone how to feel. Telling someone to calm down is like saying that their emotional response to a situation is somehow wrong or invalid. They have the right to feel – and express – any
What not to say: “Calm down”, “Relax”, “Chill” Read More »
Positive self-talk is talking to yourself in a positive manner – talking to yourself to empower yourself. Make it a daily habit to speak to yourself like you would a good friend who is in need of support and encouragement. You’d never say horrible, mean things to them, so don’t say them to yourself either!
Talk to yourself. Lovingly. As you would to a loved one. Read More »
Because you love your spouse, you really do wish that their life could be as wonderful as possible. You can do a part in making their life even better. Just ask what it is that you can do. “How can I make your day better?” Be sincere when you ask it. It isn’t manipulation or
Ask: “How can I make your day better?” Read More »
“You were supposed to mail that package last week. Now it’s going to be late.” Bringing up a mistake just for your own satisfaction of hearing them admit they were wrong doesn’t resolve the situation. Blaming, complaining or nagging causes the other person to feel like a failure. No wonder that they defend themselves. They
What not to say: “Supposed to …” Read More »
Often when we feel powerless, we dump our anger, frustration, disappointment on someone else — someone we know won’t fight back. And of course, it has nothing to do with them. What’s really happening is that you are feeling overwhelmed and you feel that you cannot express your true feelings in that situation and so
Are you displacing your anger, frustration, disappointment? Read More »
Everyone lives by a set of ‘unspoken rules’ – rules that are rarely articulated. Each of you have your own ideas about what is acceptable and it probably doesn’t even occur to you that you would have different expectations in that area. Too often, we don’t articulate the rules until they are broken; actually, that
Share your ‘unspoken rules’ Read More »
Many people deal with negative emotions – frustration, disappointment, anger, fear – by suppressing those feelings, hiding them and putting on a fake smile. This is not effective and leads to several negative outcomes for the person: negative impact on relationships, resentments, less support and elevated blood pressure. And it also elevates other people’s stress
Negative emotions: Don’t suppress or lash out. Reappraise. Read More »
Let your spouse have the space and time to do the things that are important to them. Our desires don’t always outweigh their desires. And note, they may just want or need time for a hobby or some downtime. It isn’t always about tasks, errands and chores. Too often, we want our priorities to be
Let your spouse do what is important to them. Read More »
Get to you know your spouse’s preferred ways of doing things – like relaxing, hearing difficult news, feel loved, work through problems, etc. Ask. Ask. Ask. You can ask in theory – before you actually are in a situation: “How do you feel loved? What can I do more of?” “What would be a great
Ask: “What is your preferred way?” Read More »
