Wondering, guessing and assuming someone’s thoughts and intentions are all speculating. – Speculating does little to find out your spouse’s actual thoughts and intentions. Speculations generate feelings of powerlessness. And they invite misunderstandings. — – Assuming: “I’m sure you’ll never get around to it.” – Guessing: “I bet you want to go with your friends […]
Avoid speculating: Don’t wonder, guess, assume Read More »
Miscommunications are bound to happen. And, both of you are unique individuals with your own unique way of seeing the world. You will have differences in ideas of how to deal in certain situations. That means there will be conflicts. Happy couples are OK with conflicts. They feel safe to share their perspectives. They discuss
Even happy couples have conflict Read More »
Thoughts and feelings are often used interchangeably. There really is a difference – a big difference. ONLY USE THE WORDS ‘I FEEL/ I AM ‘ WHEN FOLLOWED BY A TRUE FEELING, NOT A THOUGHT/ OPINION. Feelings “I feel/ I am” followed by [a feeling] “I feel [sad, mad, glad, scared]” “I am [sad, mad, glad,
Thoughts and feelings are very different Read More »
Some words to avoid: “I don’t care.” You may think that this statement gives an easy-going impression and avoids rocking the boat; in reality it gives an unclear message and causes confusion. Rather say, “I am good either way.” “I don’t have a preference.”
Words to Avoid: “I don’t care” Read More »
No one is happy when they are judged more than admired. It’s inevitable; your spouse will do something that annoys you sometimes. When you begin to feel irritated at your spouse, instead of reviewing everything you don’t like, turn your thoughts to all the good things about him or her. “Yeah, this thing is annoying.
Admire more. Judge less. Read More »
Many mistakenly believe that they will be happy once they reach a certain success. It actually works the other way. When we are happy, success comes more easily. When people feel happy, they tend to feel confident, optimistic, and energetic and others find them likable and sociable. Additionally, happy people frequently experience positive moods and
Happiness leads to success Read More »
Spending time together and sharing common interests is great, but focusing on your own interests also is healthy. Your schedules and interests may not always work out. Pursue your interests with those who share those interests. Not instead of spending time with your spouse, rather in addition to the time you spend together. You don’t
You don’t have to do everything together Read More »
It’s inevitable. There will be some areas where the two of you will never agree. These are likely based on either fundamental differences in your personalities, or fundamental differences in your life style needs. It’s how you see the world. These are problems that you will return to again and again. They will never be
Every marriage has its perpetual problems Read More »
Spouses generally like to give to the other. In the giving, they build their love. Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin of intimacy. Receive what is given – with grace and the same compassion and love in which it was given. Letting ourselves receive deeply and graciously is a gift to
Receive well and you’ll get more Read More »
Emotions are complex. Under the anger or accusations (the HARD emotions), there are more vulnerable emotions, like fear, anxiety, embarrassment, hurt (the SOFT emotions). Sometimes our strongest (soft) emotions hide under other (hard) emotions because they represent our deepest needs and fears, and it can be scary to express them. And so we may use
Address the underlying emotion in the issue Read More »
