What is it that makes your spouse smile? What can help him/her get out of a bad mood? What can energize him/her? Ask directly. “What can I do to help you when you are feeling like this?” (When your spouse asks you this question, answer truthfully and fully. Your spouse really does want to be
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Happy marriages are about positive feelings – not a perfect 50/50 split. When a couple writes up a “contract” of who does what, it’s no longer about unconditional love and supporting each other. If there is this keeping of score, there will inevitably be anger and resentment. – It’s not about being equal in everything,
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Keep your boundaries. Your spouse and the family you created together are your first priorities. Don’t let anyone or anything interfere with that. Not your parents, not your friends, not your work. Especially not your parents. – Parents usually mean well when they give advice or ask questions. Or they sincerely need your help or
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Some words to avoid: “Not again!” This implies that this happens often, and somehow it someone else’s fault. Instead, find the humor in it.
Words to Avoid: “Not again!” Read More »
You’re human. You are going to say or do the wrong thing. Or do something stupid. Sometimes. Often. Apologize. And set things straight. It’s like pressing the RESET button. “I was wrong. You were right. I’m sorry. Let’s try it again.” Even if your spouse doesn’t ask. Press the Reset button anyway. Forgive.
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A strong, healthy marriage includes love, respect, friendship, acceptance, and … The last crucial ingredient is a willingness to put in the effort. – SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE = ACCEPTANCE + EFFORT – Partners need to accept each other lovingly in many ways. However, acceptance is only half the formula of what makes a loving, solid, life-long,
Love, respect, friendship … & willingness to put in effort Read More »
Defensiveness destroys relationships from the inside-out. It creates a climate of contention and tension that eventually leads to a loss of trust, alienation, and separation. No one likes to hear a tirade of complaints and gripes. Not you, not your spouse. – Choose words that are easier to hear. When talking about a concern, begin
Minimize defensiveness. Use better words. Read More »
Some words to avoid: “You should…” “Should” is one of the most judgmental words one can use. Telling people what they should or shouldn’t do, say, or think makes you the judge and ruler of their thoughts, decisions and actions. And it never feels good to be on the receiving side of judgment. Instead of
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We all know there will be fights and conflicts of interest sometimes. That’s a given. Don’t let negative emotions fester. Bottling up emotions means that it will build up and eventually explode in an extremely unhealthy and detrimental manner. Rather, bring it up – respectfully. As soon as you have calmed down from the episode
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Wondering, guessing and assuming someone’s thoughts and intentions are all speculating. – Speculating does little to find out your spouse’s actual thoughts and intentions. Speculations generate feelings of powerlessness. And they invite misunderstandings. — – Assuming: “I’m sure you’ll never get around to it.” – Guessing: “I bet you want to go with your friends
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