There will be times that you should not dismiss what happened or was said, and you should speak up. Don’t let your feelings of anger or resentment fester. When it comes to speaking up, it’s crucial to recognize that it won’t necessarily feel easy to do, but that it is best for the situation that […]
Firstly, you’ll get the right support faster and with less stress and aggravation from each of you. And it is not fair to your spouse to have to figure it out. (Is it possible that you do not know what you want or need and so you hope your spouse will figure it out?) Be
Tell your spouse what support you need/ want. Read More »
Understanding the difference between causes and triggers can help you take the other person’s actions less personally. You can trigger a behavior, but that doesn’t mean that you caused it. A trigger starts something that is primed to happen. A cause is the reason for something to happen. – Your neutral statement “what a beautiful
You might have triggered it, but you didn’t cause their response. Read More »
Every positive thing done in your marriage should be counted. Don’t just dismiss a positive act because “that is what spouses do for each other” or “it’s such a small thing”. Every small thing adds up to a wonderful relationships. And don’t take anything for granted. You are blessed that your spouse does ‘what they
Appreciate the small things. They add up. Read More »
If you are feeling stuck or in a conflict, ask yourself “Where am I wrong?”. You will gain so much more by asking this question than by insisting you are right, or even asking “Am I wrong?” You are essentially asking: – What information am I missing? – What might I be inferring or misunderstanding?
Ask yourself “Where am I wrong?” (as applicable). Read More »
Literal definition: Beauty In other words: Rachmonus (merciful compassion) – Empathy – Truth – Harmony – Balance of Chesed & Gevurah EXPRESSIONS of Tiferes: • Beauty is typically produced through the juxtaposition, contrast and balance of colors and textures. Similarly, the emotion of Tiferes is a balance of the two opposing qualities – Chesed and
Tiferes (sefira: week 3) Read More »
If there is something you want to bring up, it might be best to craft it as a question. The answer may be insightful for you and can get the wheels turning in their head about the issue. “I am so happy for you that you love your new job. Do your friends mention that
A question can be a powerful way to get someone thinking. Read More »
“No, I am not sure I do. But I want to understand. Can you help me?” This should come from genuine curiosity – your tone and body language will follow your intention.
How to respond to “You know what I mean” Read More »
Labels aren’t helpful. When you label, diagnose or attribute a negative personality trait to your partner, you begin to believe that they can never change. Rather, describe the behavior that you are noticing. Be realistic about how often it really happens. And be curious about triggers might be prompting the different behaviors. “Sometimes he withdraws
Don’t label or diagnose your spouse Read More »
Sure, there may be a grain of truth in almost any negative thought, but blaming the other makes you feel helpless and trapped – that things probably won’t get any better. A more effective way of approaching this is to take a “Let’s fix it together” approach. You can validate each other, share responsibility for
Blaming can make you feel trapped Read More »
