Listen to learn.
Listen to understand your spouse’s point of view and how s/he sees the world.
Can It Be Me who is ruining our marriage?
Sometimes, without realizing, one or both of a couple is harming the marriage relationship. Often, they think that “If just my spouse would change.” And then with a bit more introspection, they think, “Can it be me who is ruining our marriage?”
Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad interviews David Kohn, LCSW, CASAC about this topic: Can it be me who is ruining our marriage? A frank and honest discussion about what people may be doing that harms their marriage. And what first steps they can do to improve the situation.
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Use “I statements”. Avoid “You statements” of blame and accusation
BASIC I STATEMENT: I feel ___ when ____ ex: I feel worried when I think that you’ll be home for dinner and you aren’t here for hours and I don’t hear from you. – I FEEL Avoid words that may seem like emotions, but really imply the action of your partner: “I feel…ignored, annoyed, mistreated,
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Describe your feelings rather than attack with them.
When you describe your feelings, do you use clarifying words to make them understood. “I’m sad and tearful” …” I feel a yearning to be closer” …”I’m feeling rather hurt and withdrawn” …”I’m stunned and embarrassed”. Notice that the description directly identifies the emotion. Attacking with your feelings means using your affect as a weapon.
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You have a choice in how you react
You can make decisions to change your OWN responses.
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Personality Types & Relationships
Your personality and temperament impact how you interact with others and yourself. So naturally, it impacts your marriage relationship.
Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad explores this idea with Esther Friedman, a Temperament Certified Professional.
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Is this normal? Recognizing Abusive Behavior Early in Marriage
The wedding is over and the young couple settles into shanah rishonah and a life together. For most, there is the bliss. And the normal challenges and the typical ‘hard work’ of building the marriage. Sadly, for a few, it is the beginning of a nightmare of abuse and control.
Devora Krasnianski of Adai Ad interviews Lisa Twerski, LCSW about “Is this normal? Recognizing abusive behavior early in marriage”. What to do if you feel abused or controlled? And the importance of seeking support as soon as you feel uncomfortable and unheard in the marriage.
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Pesach & Shalom Bayis
Rabbi Abba and Chanie Perelmuter, Shluchim at Shul by the Shore in Long Beach, CA address the typical Pesach stresses in their unique Perelmuter style – humor and practicality. They share tips, insights and laughs from their many Pesach experiences – with young children and with grandchildren and married children; at home and as shluchim; as guests and as hosts; in a tiny kitchen and a (sort of) decent sized kitchen. (recorded 2018)
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Impact of Organization on Shalom Bayis with
Having a clean and organized home the benefits to the family. How might you get the whole family involved in keeping the house orderly? Bassie Kalmanson, master organizer, shares practical tips and insights for keeping your home and life organized and getting everyone onboard.
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Surviving Betrayal
When people get married they never dream that they might be betrayed by their spouse. BH, it doesn’t happen often. But if it does happen to someone, it is such a shocking realization. It’s like living in a nightmare. There is shock, devastation, profound hurt and feelings of being betrayed and blind-sided. What happens next? Can someone get through it? Can the marriage survive?
Moshe Zev Lamm, LCSW discusses what to do when the betrayal is discovered, and more importantly what not to do.
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