This choice of words has the connotation of control. These words generally sound demeaning to the one who will be asked – or commanded – to do [whatever]. Instead, say “I will ask my spouse to do it.” Or “Let me see how it can get done.”
Words to Avoid: “I’ll have my spouse do it.” Read More »
This is an immature and petty response. If there was something that happened that you didn’t like, then there are so many more mature ways to address it than mirroring back to them what they did to you.
Words to Avoid: “I did it to show you what it feels like.” Read More »
The implication is that ”there’s something wrong with you and I can’t believe that you do things like you do.” Don’t say things like “Why can’t you just be normal?” “Why can’t you just do it already?” “Why can’t you just listen to me?” These words are usually said out of frustration. When you are
Words to Avoid: “Why can’t you just …” Read More »
When you say things like this, you are invalidating the other person’s thoughts and feelings about whatever is going on. It is almost as if you are afraid of hearing their perception. Instead, be curious about how they came to their understanding of the situation. “Help me understand what is going on for you.”-
Words to Avoid: “You are reading too much into this.” Read More »
This is a passive-aggressive way to communicate your needs. Your spouse shouldn’t feel pressured to do something to prove their love. Instead, make a request in a non-confrontational and direct way – in a way that connects you, rather in a way that creates a divide. You might say, “I miss spending time with you,
Words to Avoid: “If you really loved me, you’d …?” Read More »
When your spouse is talking about a problem, ask what they want from the conversation – to vent or a solution? Don’t share possible solutions when all they want is a listening ear. If you are the one who is sharing, say what you want from the conversation. “I just need to vent.” “I’m feeling
Words to Use: “Do you want me to fix it or feel it?” Read More »
You might use these words when there is something you want to improve for yourself and for the relationship or family. “I’ve been thinking about our finances.” “I’ve been thinking about how we are parenting our child.” And then “Do you want to work on this with me?” Making it a question gives the other
Words to Use: “Do you want to work on this with me?” Read More »
These words are usually said when there is a conflict and the speaker thinks that they are right and the other is wrong. The thing is: just because the other person has a different perspective, it doesn’t mean that it is wrong. It’s just different, not necessarily wrong. Instead, look to resolve the conflict. Additionally,
Words to Avoid: “Who is right here?” Read More »
This question demonstrates that you are concerned about your spouse’s well-being and you are offering to take steps to help improve their mood or day. This question also reveals your ability to empathize with your partner and shows your nurturing side. (Being on either side of that question is powerful for your relationship.)
Words to Use: “How can I make your day better?” Read More »
When people hear this phrase, it comes across as if the original speaker is deflecting responsibility for the misunderstanding (and its subsequent consequences) onto the receiver. Often in conversation, our words don’t come out quite as hoped, or the other person doesn’t understand our message as it was intended. The onus is on the speaker
Words to Avoid: “That isn’t what I meant.” Read More »
