JOT-Better Words

When your spouse asks you to do something, don’t just say “yes”. Add some real enthusiasm for being able to do or give what your spouse asks for. “Sure, I’d love to do that for you.” This can help your spouse feel noticed and cared for.

Keep things in perspective. And most things are not really a big deal. It’s just that you prefer it be differently. You can say, “It’s not a big deal but I just want you to know about it.” “It’s not a big deal, but it would make me so much happier if you hung up

These words “How. Might. We.” frame a solution-seeking mindset. HOW. This sets the tone that we believe the solution is out there, but we don’t have the correct answer yet, so we should explore. This provides creative confidence. MIGHT. This gives the framework that you are not absolutely expected to have a winning idea –

The other person may be doing something that you wouldn’t do or think. And you may be frustrated, angry, disappointed. Expressing your emotions with such harsh words won’t get you anywhere. No one responds well to the implication that something is wrong with them. Rather, be curious. “Help me better understand how you came to

These words are a great opening to important topics that may be somewhat uncomfortable to talk about. By starting the discussion this way, you are stating your intention that you are sharing this possibly difficult information for the sake of the relationship. That you want to stay close and even deepen the relationship and therefore

Or similarly, “It’s none of your business.” These generally come off as if the speaker is saying that not only does the topic not concern you, but you have no business asking about it either. These words may come up when one person asks about a situation that is private. In that case, a better

This is usually said with frustration and blame after something did not go as hoped. Instead, put your energy into working with the current reality. Later, you can examine what happened so you can learn for the future. “Let’s unpack what happened here, so we can use this as a learning experience.”

This is usually said after a discussion with difference of perspectives, and it implies that you think the other is an idiot for having the perspective that they do. Instead, respect that they are a separate individual with experiences and influences, and thus have different perspectives.

The implication is ”There’s something wrong with you and I can’t believe that you do things like you do.” First, be curious to understand their rationale. As applicable, you might share your perspective and why you think that it isn’t a good idea. “I have seen people do that and get hurt. I am concerned