These words are usually said when there is a conflict and the speaker thinks that they are right and the other is wrong. The thing is: just because the other person has a different perspective, it doesn’t mean that it is wrong. It’s just different, not necessarily wrong. Instead, look to resolve the conflict. Additionally, […]
Words to Avoid: “Who is right here?” Read More »
This question demonstrates that you are concerned about your spouse’s well-being and you are offering to take steps to help improve their mood or day. This question also reveals your ability to empathize with your partner and shows your nurturing side. (Being on either side of that question is powerful for your relationship.)
Words to Use: “How can I make your day better?” Read More »
When people hear this phrase, it comes across as if the original speaker is deflecting responsibility for the misunderstanding (and its subsequent consequences) onto the receiver. Often in conversation, our words don’t come out quite as hoped, or the other person doesn’t understand our message as it was intended. The onus is on the speaker
Words to Avoid: “That isn’t what I meant.” Read More »
Say this with a compliment about your spouse. You can add how your life was enriched because of them. End with “And that’s why I am so happy to be married to you.” – “I love that when you come home after work, you first look for me even before going to the kids. I
Words to Use: “I am so happy to be married to you.” Read More »
“I’m not angry,” (said when clearly and visibly showing signs of anger.) Sometimes this is then followed with stonewalling. Often people say this as a form of denial, or they want to avoid conflict and not talk about what went wrong. If you are angry about something, admit it and address it in a respectful
Words to Avoid: “I’m not angry” Read More »
Stress experienced by one of the couple has an effect on the other person as well as on the relationship. When your spouse faces a challenge or overwhelm, assure them that you are there at their side and they don’t have to face it alone. Reassure them that when and if they need anything, all
Words to Use: “We’re in this together” Read More »
Often, we make inferences and conclusions about someone else’s behavior. Sometimes those are accurate. Many times, they are not. It is also disrespectful to assume you know someone’s intentions or thoughts. Ask the other person what their intentions or thoughts behind an action they took that was displeasing to you. “What was the backstory?” “What
Words to Avoid: “I know why you …” Read More »
When there is a disagreement or argument, many people may become anxious about their relationship. Periodic conflicts and arguments are all part of relationships. Even though you may be having a conflict, reassure each other that the relationship is in a good place. “We’re OK. This is not about our relationship, it’s about a detail.
Words to Use: “We’re OK” Read More »
You might use this question when talking about differences and change requests. The idea is to get a better picture of the specifics of what the other is envisioning or wishing. For example, if you are discussing your different ideas for Shabbos afternoon family time. You might ask “What would it look like if the
Words to Use: “What would it look like if it was better for you?” Read More »
By saying this, you are trying to shift the responsibility away from yourself and blame it onto the other person. Take responsibility for your words/ actions. That is separate from the fact that the other person may or may not be doing the same thing too. At a later point, when you are both calm,
Words to Avoid: “You do the same thing but worse.” Read More »
