JOT-Better Words

These words imply that there is a specific way that you expected them to respond and how they did respond isn’t it. People respond in their own ways. They are the ones who make meaning to whatever you said or did. Even if your intentions were good, their reaction is up to them. Be curious, […]

Or similar “How did you think I would feel?” This is usually said after someone did something that hurt you – intentionally or unintentionally. The implication is that they are so insensitive and oblivious to how whatever was done or said would impact you. Instead, say how you feel. “I feel sad and alone because

When something resonates with you, you’re saying that it is in line with your own experience and outlook. When you share an idea, opinion or suggestion, you might start or end with “How does this resonate with you?” This shows the other person that you are putting out the idea and that you are interested

Own up to what you did to hurt someone. You lashed out, tell them, “You didn’t deserve that. I was cranky and I said words that I regret. I’m sorry.”

It is considered disrespectful to interrupt someone. But sometimes we just do – unintentionally. If you catch yourself interrupting, apologize right away. “I’m sorry I interrupted you, I get excited about this topic. Please continue.” You can also say, “If I do it again, please call me out on it.” This shows that you recognize

That double negative “don’t disagree” connotates that “I don’t have an argument with what you’re saying, but I don’t really like it either”. The speaker might be trying to sound less directly opposing, but those words usually don’t land well. A better way would be to be more direct and say what it is concerning

This is disrespectful of the relationship. Especially when said with a dismissive tone. It’s basically saying that the relationship is not worth working through the issue. That you don’t care enough to work it out. Such words are usually part of longer history of feeling not heard or seen, nevermind understood. If you feel such

Firstly, the word ‘actually’ gives the impression that you are surprised that you like the idea. As if you were expecting that the proposed idea would not be good. Another issue with the phrase “I like …” is that it is more about the speaker and less about the idea giver. They are the one

There are times when you will view a situation from your individual perspectives. Sometimes, it is not important enough to even bring it up. If you feel that you want to talk about, it is better to use the phrase “I see it differently…” rather than “I disagree”. Essentially, they are saying the same thing.

There can be several different contexts to these words, but none are positive. These words connote that speaker believes the other person is not capable of understanding the complexities. Or that the speaker doesn’t want to put in the effort to help the other person to understand. Even worse, the speaker may be dismissing the