Shidduch U tips

Make the other comfortable. There will probably be some topics that are not so comfortable to talk about. It is your role to try to make the other as comfortable as possible to share whatever it is that they need to share so you can determine if this they are a good match for you. […]

Leave lots of room for the other to clarify. There may be times that you are not sure that you get the full picture. Ask for clarity in a way that leaves them dignity.  Don’t say: “You’re contradicting yourself.” “Last time you said X, now you are sayin Y, what is the real story?” Rather,

Don’t infer or assume.Ask more questions to gain more clarity. Too often, people make assumptions, guesses or inaccurate inferences based on something the other person did or said. People may dismiss or end a shiduch because of an assumption. Or, they may hopefully assume things are as they wish them to be. They may assume

Skip the small talk; go straight for personal conversation. Share about your views and passions, not necessarily your private information (not just yet). Small talk is light, informal conversation that doesn’t cover any purposeful topics. This might be conversations about the weather, the ambiance around you, current events (no politics). While these topics are non-committal, they

Tune into body language and other nonverbals to really get a sense of who the other person is. Non verbals include: body language, facial expressions, hand gestures. They also include the way one speaks – the tone, inflection, speed, choice of words. Lastly, non verbals also includes: where and they choose to have conversation, how

Take time between dates to process what you learned about the other person. And how you feel about the time you spent together. There is so much that you can be learning about each other during the time you are together – from the conversations, from the way they talk to you and to others.

Make sure that you are fully understood by the other person. As the one sharing your story or any message, you want to make sure that the receiver of the message understood it as you had intended. If the other person doesn’t share how they understood it, you ask. Take the onus of the clarity

Overcame something difficult?  Don’t hide it; share it with confidence. Challenges are part of life. Facing up to challenges and living through them give us the experiences that make up our life. Through your challenges, you find and grow your emotional and mental strengths. Everyone has something – challenges with school or work, friends, money,

Silence is not awkward.  It is only awkward if you make it awkward. Silence doesn’t always mean that you have nothing to say to each other. Remember, it’s only silence. It’s your own thoughts and feelings about that silence that might make it awkward. Too often, during that silence, we think ‘what is the other

Make sure that you understand the other person.  You can say, “So what I understand is that …” Your role as the receiver of the communication is to make sure you understand what the other person intended to share with you. Summarize what you understood and ask if you understand it accurately. “So what I