Keep it positive, even when the answer is ‘no’. One way to do this is to reframe a question. So, rather than saying, “No, you we cant get that”, you might say, “Let’s put that on our list of what we hope to get soon enough.”
Look for ways to say ‘yes’ even you are thinking ‘no’. Read More »
When your spouse shares about something that is making them feel down, your role as their spouse is to make them feel supported and not alone. Let them know you appreciate their sharing with you and acknowledge that it might have been difficult to do so. When you do this, it signals that you are
I’m glad you told me Read More »
If your spouse says something, and then quickly follows with the words “disregard it”, then do just that – disregard it. Don’t over-analyze what was originally said. They realized that whatever was said should not have been shared in that way (or at all) and they wish it could be disregarded and forgotten. Deleted. For
If your spouse says “disregard it”, then disregard it. Read More »
“You have a fine eye for details. It’s the little things all together that really make this project pop.” Unique (not cliché) Not “You’re the greatest! “Your outlook on life is so refreshing.” Specific, include details “Getting down to the kid’s eye level really helped calm him down. You really have a knack with kids.”
A good compliment is … Genuine (and generous) Read More »
Couples who view their relationships as “perfect” (“We are soul mates” or “We we’re made for each other”) are more prone to relationship problems than those who view their relationship as a “journey” (“We grow together” or “Look how far we’ve come”). This makes sense. Every relationship is going to have problems that have to
Perfectionism hurts relationships Read More »
When you find yourself feeling offended or threatened by something, ask yourself, “What about this really bothers me?” The answer may help you see that you are over-reacting.
Pay attention to what offends or upsets you. Read More »
Some people distort and exaggerate the truth when they want to convince someone that they are right and the other is wrong. The other person will likely recognize that distortion of the truth and will focus on that. They will move the conversation to discredit the exaggeration. Additionally, they will recognize that you are trying
Accept the apology when it’s sincerely given. (You can tell the difference. If it wasn’t given honestly, there was no apology, thus nothing to accept.) Don’t say flip phrases like, “Oh forget it,” “You don’t have to apologize,” “It was nothing.” It’s too easy to go there when everyone is clearly uncomfortable. But you both
Accept the apology gracefully. Read More »
Periodically reflect on your marriage: What is it like to be married to me? What is it like to be my husband/wife? Do you like what you see? What are you doing that enhances your spouse’s life?Is there some area that you could improve? Something you should be doing more often? Less often? You might
Reflect: what is it like to be married to me? Read More »
You are a team; the two of you against the issue. Do what you can to collaborate against the issue. Asking politely for suggestions or alternatives invites collaboration. “How might we address this? What are your thoughts about this?” Careful consideration of options shows respect to your spouse. “I didn’t it that way. Hmm. I
Fighting ends when cooperation begins. Read More »
