Talk softly. The louder someone yells, the less likely they are to be heard. Even if your spouse yells, there’s no need to yell back. Taking the volume down makes it possible for people to start focusing on the issue instead of reacting to the noise.
Lower the volume during an argument. Read More »
Anger is in itself neither good nor bad—it’s what you do with it that matters. Anger is best viewed as a tool that helps us read and respond to upsetting situations. For example, we can get angered by injustice to the less fortunate and use those feelings to create initiatives to help. Unfortunately, too many
It is ok to feel anger. It is not ok to act out in anger. Read More »
“I’m sorry, but there’s a lot going on in my life” and “I’m sorry, but was exhausted” diffuse responsibility. They’re excuses. Similarly, “that’s not who I am” announces that you were possessed by some sort of demon. If you said it, it is indeed who you are. It’s up to you to face that unpleasant
How not to apologize: “sorry but” Read More »
Two words that have no place in any apology: “obviously” and “misconstrued.” – “I obviously didn’t mean to hurt you.” The word “obviously” is not a humble word. If you obviously didn’t mean the horrible thing you said, why did you say it? And if something really is obvious—if, say, you obviously didn’t intend to
How not to apologize: using words like “obviously” and “misconstrued” Read More »
When you agree to disagree you are essentially hitting a dead-end, and thus there is a sense of disconnect. You are each holding onto to your own truth without acknowledging that the other person has another interpretation of the same event. Rather, listen to understand the other’s perspective. Based on their experiences and logic, their
Don’t “agree to disagree” Read More »
Let go of being right and accept your spouse for who they are. When you accept reality, your life will be much less stressful. – He always runs late. Instead of yelling at him each and every time, accept that he’ll always be late and add a time buffer to any plans with him. –
Let go of being right and accept your spouse. Read More »
Shared dreams have a chance of actually happening. When you don’t share your dreams, they remain as expectations, which when they do not actualize can lead to frustration, disappointment and resentment. You might be hoping and wanting that your family will only eat healthy foods in your home. Yes, that would be wonderful. It can
Share your dreams for your family. Read More »
Don’t be “sorry if” anyone was hurt by your words or actions. Be sorry *that* you were hurtful. Own it. The “if” adds a shadow of doubt— hey, maybe you didn’t say or do anything nasty after all! “If” is cowardly; “that” takes responsibility. Similarly, “it distresses me that you’re upset” is weaselly: You’re implying
How not to apologize: “sorry if …” Read More »
So much to prepare and plan before the birth of the baby – baby furniture, hospital tour, maternity leave, insurance, doctors and and and …. And your marriage.
Frayda Kaplan, certified Gottman educator (Bringing Baby Home) shares some valuable tips and insights for preparing your marriage for this exciting new addition to your family.
Preparing your marriage for a baby Read More »
The fight is not about toilet paper, money or commitment or who does the housework. What you’re really fighting about is feeling a lack of affection, respect, power…or some combination of three. – Reflect on what is really going on for you when you bring up an issue. Is it really the toilet paper, or
The fight is not about the issue. It is about respect, affection or power. Read More »
