This is usually said in a dismissive tone as a way to avoid talking about something uncomfortable. Dropping a conversation midway diminishes the importance of the relationship and makes the other feel irrelevant and unheard.
Words to Avoid: “Nevermind, I’ll do it myself.” Read More »
Most people want to be understood and validated. It helps us feel loved. Once we feel understood, we are open, happier, and more willing to listen to the ideas and perspectives of others. Validating another person might sound like, “I understand you felt that way, it makes sense to me”, or “That must have been
Words to Use: “I understand you.” Read More »
We make things seem insurmountable and then make excuses to not have to address the issue. This is a cop-out. We make excuses to protect ourselves from feelings of failure and fear. They help us to avoid unpleasant situations and mask our perceived shortcomings. Excuses are ways to get out of owning up to something.
Words to Avoid: “I can’t because…” Read More »
You may be able to function quite well on your own, and it may be true that you don’t need them in the survival sense. Still, everyone likes to feel wanted and needed. Most often when someone says this, they are saying it due to some strong emotion, like anger. Saying this can cause the
Words to Avoid: “I don’t need you.” Read More »
Never compare your partner to someone else. Instead of comparing others’ lives against yours, focus on being grateful and appreciative for who they are and their unique qualities.
Words to Avoid: “Why can’t you be more like ____” Read More »
“I don’t care, you decide” isn’t the name of a restaurant. You may think you’re being nice or accommodating. It doesn’t always land on the other person that way. More often than not, your flexibility is unkind. You are leaving the mental work to them – to make the decision that impacts both. They are
Words to Avoid: “I don’t care. You decide.” Read More »
When each of you has a different view or desire about something, ask this question. This helps you sort through what is at stake for each other. You’ll get to know how important that thing is to each other. If your spouse rates something as quite high and you rate it lower, then do it
Words to Use: “On a scale of 1-10, how important is this to you?” Read More »
With these words, the speaker is essentially calling the other a liar. If you suspect that they are being untruthful, telling them straight out that you don’t believe them will usually backfire.Instead, say, “I’m having trouble believing you’re telling me the entire story.” It’s less inflammatory and accusatory. Listen to the full story. Ask pointed
Words to Avoid: “I don’t believe you.” Read More »
This is usually said when some information is intentionally not shared because ‘I thought you already knew’. Too often, this is said when someone is annoyed or frustrated with another person, and they consciously or subconsciously withhold information that could have prevented issues or conflicts. This is an underhanded, or passive-aggressive, way of showing upset.
Words to Avoid: “I thought you already knew.” Read More »
In most situations, both people have contributed to the problem in some way. We often blame our partners for our relationship distress, which may or may not be valid. Maybe it’s time to take a closer look in the mirror to see if your own behavior contributes to the problems. If you are facing a
Words to avoid: “You’re the problem…” Read More »
