JOT-Better Words

Too often, these words are said to cover something hurtful or selfish that was done. Instead of owning up to hurting the other person, someone might say, “You’re so insecure…” or “You took it the wrong way.” Instead, apologize for the hurt you caused, even if it was unintentional. If you are saying it because […]

These words are an attack on the other person’s competence and worth. They cut to the core value of a person and make them feel worthless. This is emotionally or verbally abusive. You might be frustrated at something, but saying such words is not the way to deal with those frustrations. Everyone has flaws and

These words show that you are not taking responsibility you’re your actions. When you say these words you are trying to justify that what you just did is OK because someone else made you do it. You are shifting responsibility, in other words blaming. Blame is one of the most common forms of verbal abuse.

You are saying that you find the other person lacking in some area. And you are insinuating that you want them to change. Neither of those land well on someone else. Is this something that you can learn to accept as part of the whole person that they are? And if you want to inspire

These words belittle the other person. If they were indeed being petty, then these words won’t help the situation. If their reaction to something was larger than most people might have responded, maybe it triggered something in them. Again, these words won’t help. Instead, don’t say anything. Or address their concern. No need to evaluate

This is usually said in a dismissive tone as a way to avoid talking about something uncomfortable. Dropping a conversation midway diminishes the importance of the relationship and makes the other feel irrelevant and unheard.

We make things seem insurmountable and then make excuses to not have to address the issue. This is a cop-out. We make excuses to protect ourselves from feelings of failure and fear. They help us to avoid unpleasant situations and mask our perceived shortcomings. Excuses are ways to get out of owning up to something.

You may be able to function quite well on your own, and it may be true that you don’t need them in the survival sense. Still, everyone likes to feel wanted and needed. Most often when someone says this, they are saying it due to some strong emotion, like anger. Saying this can cause the

Never compare your partner to someone else. Instead of comparing others’ lives against yours, focus on being grateful and appreciative for who they are and their unique qualities.