JOT-Better Words

“Everybody says that you … are crazy.” … are wrong here.” Or worse, “Nobody else does that.”Think about why you use this phrase or tactic. Are you trying to bully the other person?If you are upset about something, talk about it with respect – without bringing in other people into the conversation.(And, btw, how do […]

Apart from it being irritating on the receiving end, it is usually inaccurate. We don’t really know what people are thinking; we aren’t mind readers. And it usually isn’t in our best interest to make wild guesses. Often, people say this when they are anxious about something the other might say. Often, it is coming

Something you said or did was hurtful to the other person. By saying something like this, you are trying to evade your responsibility for hurting them. If you did do/say something that unintentionally hurt them, then this is an opportunity to learn something about a sensitivity they may have. (Worse, is it possible that you

It’s likely obvious that something is wrong. So, when you say “nothing,” you’re being passive-aggressive, and you make it seem like you’re afraid of bringing up something that could start a fight. That’s why you’re encouraging your partner to start one for you. Acting like nothing is wrong is a lose-lose situation that will lead

Or similar, “I got it.” Show your spouse that you notice that they need or want a break from all the tasks on their list. Being “all-capable” all the time can get a quite exhausting. So it’s a relief to have someone who understands and will take over matters.

This is classic passive-aggressive phrasing. This has an undertone that you really don’t think that you are wrong and that you are questioning the other person. That word, “but” negates everything before it. Instead, be more direct. “I may be wrong here. I am thinking that …” “Please correct me if I am wrong…” “I

You’re saying, “No matter what, you aren’t going to have to face the struggles and worries alone. I will look out for you and support you through thick and thin.” Being there for each other through those tough times can show your spouse just how much you care about each other and the bond between

Wording like “I don’t have time for this” or “I don’t care” or “Get to the point” are dismissive and show a lack of empathy. It’s saying that you just don’t care about them or the things that they care about. Instead, be patient and allow them their time. If you really are pressed for

Sometimes, your message may not be fully understood the first time you share it. This often happens when the idea is new for the other person. Often, it is worthwhile to share the idea in other words too. You may come at the idea from a different angle, or bring in a metaphor or visual.

Often this comes along with eye rolling or other demeaning body language. When someone says this, they are trying to show their superiority. As if the other person is silly or insignificant. And that they do it often. Instead, listen to what they have to say, maybe there is something that you ought to be