Everyone needs some time to have their own fun – with friends, family or hobbies. Allow – no encourage – your spouse to have their own time. Saying things like, “Have a really good time,” “Have fun with your friends!” or, “Hope your night is awesome; I can’t wait to hear about it!” shows that […]
Words to use: “Have fun!” Read More »
These words are usually said in anger and frustration. The speaker is unilaterally ending the conversation, effectively saying that the other person has lost their attention and don’t have permission to speak anymore. The speaker is essentially declaring that they just don’t want to work it through, that they don’t care about the relationship (at
Words to avoid: “This conversation is over!” Read More »
These words have the implication that the other is beneath you. Instead, you might say “I’m struggling here to understand how I should show up for you here.” “Help me know what my role can be here.” “What else might I say so you understand my perspective?”
Words to avoid: “Why should I even bother with you?” Read More »
Or similar, “You are too sensitive”. Telling someone how to respond is discrediting their way of being. Instead, give them the space to feel their emotions and provide emotional validation – even if you don’t agree with them. (Is it possible that you are being insensitive or even callous to the situation?)
Words to avoid: “You are overreacting.” Read More »
This is often said in response to a perceived criticism – as a defense mechanism, as a way to deflect responsibility from whatever was just brought up. Instead, be curious. “Tell me more so I can do better in the future.”
Words to avoid: “Why are you trying to start a fight?” Read More »
When you are trying to introduce a new way of doing things, don’t impose your ideas. Rather, bring your spouse on board in the decision-making. Or at the very least, ask them if they are willing to go along with your idea. “I have an issue with… can we try something to help with that?”
Words to use: “Can we try this?” Read More »
When receiving a gift, always show your gratitude for the thought and for the gift. Include a few details, like why the gift meant so much or how you plan to use it. This is what makes a good thank you a great thank you!– “Thank you for the gift card for a [massage]. That
Words to use: “Thank you for the gift.” Read More »
By asking “How’d you think to…,” you are showing that you are interested in learning more about the other person – their processes of how they came up with the idea or design or strategy. You are asking them to share more about themselves. This builds connection. Often, this type of conversation does more for
Words to use: “How did you think to do that?” Read More »
Or, “I’m wondering if there is another way of looking at this.” When someone misinterprets your words or actions, instead of retorting with “You got it all wrong”, you can ask this question. * The idea is that there are so many possible explanations for something that was done or said. Too often, people interpret
Words to use: “What else could this mean?” Read More »
“Everybody says that you … are crazy.” … are wrong here.” Or worse, “Nobody else does that.”Think about why you use this phrase or tactic. Are you trying to bully the other person?If you are upset about something, talk about it with respect – without bringing in other people into the conversation.(And, btw, how do
Words to Avoid: “Everybody says that you ….” Read More »
