“You are so wonderful” and “You do that so well.” can be subconsciously felt as judgments, albeit positive ones. Positive judgments express what you think about the other person. Even though these are positive judgments, they still put the recipient in the position of being judged and the praise-giver in the position of judge. And […]
Use “I statements” to avoid positive judgments Read More »
Active Listening is a form of listening and reflecting back what you’ve heard that can deepen the bond, the trust, the understanding and the mutual respect in relationships. Reflecting back what you’ve heard uncovers misunderstandings earlier. The listener can then reflect back by paraphrasing in their own words what they think they’ve understood and then
Active listening: Giving your full attention to the other. Read More »
There are words of compliments, appreciation and gratitude. And then there is showing the other person how much your own life is enriched by having them in your life. This really makes the other person feel good to be doing for you. – An expression of gratitude such as “Thank you for taking care of
Let your spouse know you feel enriched by them Read More »
Reflect about what is working well in your marriage. What is it that you are doing when your spouse is acting loving and considerate? Do more of that. – What are you doing that pushes his buttons. Or, what is it that you nag about? Just stop doing that. Either let it go, or experiment
Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Read More »
In a marriage relationship, there are three key components to consider: the husband, the wife and the marriage itself. (This is different from the concept that there are 3 partners in a marriage: Hashem, husband and wife.) – Put the relationship first if you want it to last. In other words, when you and your
3 parts to a marriage: Husband. Wife. The Marriage Read More »
Respect your spouse’s need to share the feedback, as hard as it is for you to hear it. Listen – with respect. – Bite your tongue. Do not interrupt. Let him/her say it all. Do not get defensive. – Ask questions. Try to get to the underlying issue (ex: resentment, triggers a memory, need for
Listen to negative feedback – with respect Read More »
“Do not appease someone when his anger is aroused.” Avos 4:18
There is a time for silence and a time to talk Read More »
The word BUT negates all the goodwill that you are building up with the first part of your sentence. The BUT gets someone’s defenses up, and makes them way less able to hear the important thing you want them to listen to. Instead, using the words AT THE SAME TIME or AND can be much
Replace the word “But” with “At the same time” Read More »
Spouses often report feeling disrespected when their wives/husbands consult their parents for advice instead of or before consulting them first. Especially, when the question impacts the couple or the family.
Ask your partner for advice, not your parents. Read More »
An acknowledgment is a positive comment that focuses on who the person is. It acknowledges the unique individual they are underneath all the talents, skills and facade. — “You are so dedicated to the children you work with.” “Your passion for the work you do comes out in how you …” “You care so much
Acknowledgment: A positive comment that focuses on who the person is Read More »
