One of the most common miscommunication traps in marriage happens when we think our nonverbal hints should be more than enough to get the message across OR we think the answer is so obvious that we shouldn’t have to say it out loud. When we fall into this trap, one spouse stays clueless and the […]
Your spouse can’t read your mind Read More »
It’s the small things that count. Lots of small little things. Things that the other may not even know you did. Like not eating the last piece of cake just so your spouse could have it. Like not bothering him/her when s/he is reading. Like bringing him/her a cup of cold water – without being
Love is built from many small things Read More »
Never go to sleep angry. Ok, almost never. It’s not so much that you have to work it all out before you allow yourself to go to sleep. Rather, it’s more about lightening up and learning to let go of the little irritations. It’s just not worth it. Agree that you have different perspectives on
Never go to sleep angry Read More »
The advice “Never go to sleep angry” is faulty. Sometimes, the best thing to do is get some sleep before trying to work through the issue. When we’re tired, we just can’t think straight; the part of the brain responsible for self control and judgment isn’t working right. And we might end up saying things
It’s OK to go to sleep angry Read More »
Should spouses tell each other everything? In one word, no. While one spouse may be more comfortable disclosing than the other, she or he should not expect to hear every thought, action, urge or memory of their partner. We need different degrees of solitude to re-charge, regulate stress and nurture a sense of self –
You don’t have to tell your spouse everything Read More »
The goal of offering the advice is that the other person is empowered to resolve an issue or improve on something. Therefore, it is worthwhile to present that advice in a way that it will be best received. The “information sandwich” technique is a three-step process for making information (the contents of the sandwich) palatable
Ask permission before offering advice Read More »
Frustrating and escalating fights happen when couples approach their argument with a goal of winning. Naturally, there can only be one winner, and since both want to win and both feel they are correct, it usually does not end well. Instead the goal of the argument should be to understand the other person’s position as
The goal of an argument is to understand – not to win. Read More »
Having a partner who has different interests means that both of you get the chance to introduce each other to new things. This is also a way of sharing a part of yourselves with each other. Be curious about what interests your spouse. This is what makes your life richer and more beautiful. You may
Learn from each other Read More »
Schedule a date night or day often. Put it on your calendar. Keep that time sacred. While it is worthwhile to set aside a budget for special times, it doesn’t always have to cost money. A nice walk on the beach. A drive to nowhere. Walk through a new neighborhood. Stay home and play a
Make time together a priority Read More »
Some words to avoid: “Whatever, it’s fine.” Your instinct may be to avoid conflict by bowing out early. You should be tackling problems together; that is part of being in a solid relationship. Rather say, “Let’s talk this through.” “I hear your perspective. I think it might work.”
Words to Avoid: “Whatever, it’s fine.” Read More »
