Keep your personal power. Saying “YOU MAKE ME FEEL” indicates that you believe that feelings are inevitable responses to what someone has done to you. You are giving your personal power away to someone else. And, you are likely to antagonize your spouse, since it indicates blame. — So why do people say that? Why […]
You control your feelings. Only you. Read More »
No one likes to hear complaints; they give most people a downer feeling. Instead of complaining, request. Requests establish a positive tone and invite helpful responses and solutions. – Complaint: “I hate …” Complaint: “Why do we always …” Complaint: “I don’t like that ….” Complaint: “It bugs me when …” – Request: “How about
Change complaints to requests Read More »
Multiple “don’t want”/”Don’t like” statements seldom add up to one clear “would like”. – “I don’t want a blue sweater.” – “I don’t want a cardigan.” “Would like” statements efficiently convey your preferences. – “I would like a red V neck sweater.” — “Don’t like” tends to engender defensiveness, discouragement and negativity. “Would like” invites
Say what you do want rather than what you don’t want. Read More »
As a human being, you have some shortcomings. We all do. No one is perfect. Some of our flaws are the mirror image of our strengths. If you are super organized; you might be less flexible. If you are industrious and always accomplishing, you may not allow yourself time to relax with your family. Some
Accept your shortcomings. Accept your spouse’s. Read More »
Dos and Don’ts of Interrupting – Don’ts *Don’t not allow the other to finish sharing important information, before you jump in. “I know what you are going to say.” *Don’t negate what the other said before the thought is completed. – – Dos *Support and build on what the other said. *Break into a monologue
How to interrupt your spouse Read More »
“You are so wonderful” and “You do that so well.” can be subconsciously felt as judgments, albeit positive ones. Positive judgments express what you think about the other person. Even though these are positive judgments, they still put the recipient in the position of being judged and the praise-giver in the position of judge. And
Use “I statements” to avoid positive judgments Read More »
Active Listening is a form of listening and reflecting back what you’ve heard that can deepen the bond, the trust, the understanding and the mutual respect in relationships. Reflecting back what you’ve heard uncovers misunderstandings earlier. The listener can then reflect back by paraphrasing in their own words what they think they’ve understood and then
Active listening: Giving your full attention to the other. Read More »
There are words of compliments, appreciation and gratitude. And then there is showing the other person how much your own life is enriched by having them in your life. This really makes the other person feel good to be doing for you. – An expression of gratitude such as “Thank you for taking care of
Let your spouse know you feel enriched by them Read More »
Reflect about what is working well in your marriage. What is it that you are doing when your spouse is acting loving and considerate? Do more of that. – What are you doing that pushes his buttons. Or, what is it that you nag about? Just stop doing that. Either let it go, or experiment
Do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Read More »
In a marriage relationship, there are three key components to consider: the husband, the wife and the marriage itself. (This is different from the concept that there are 3 partners in a marriage: Hashem, husband and wife.) – Put the relationship first if you want it to last. In other words, when you and your
3 parts to a marriage: Husband. Wife. The Marriage Read More »
