Listen to learn.
Listen to understand your spouse’s point of view and how s/he sees the world.
JOT general
Use “I statements”. Avoid “You statements” of blame and accusation
BASIC I STATEMENT: I feel ___ when ____ ex: I feel worried when I think that you’ll be home for dinner and you aren’t here for hours and I don’t hear from you. – I FEEL Avoid words that may seem like emotions, but really imply the action of your partner: “I feel…ignored, annoyed, mistreated,
Use “I statements”. Avoid “You statements” of blame and accusation Read More »
Describe your feelings rather than attack with them.
When you describe your feelings, do you use clarifying words to make them understood. “I’m sad and tearful” …” I feel a yearning to be closer” …”I’m feeling rather hurt and withdrawn” …”I’m stunned and embarrassed”. Notice that the description directly identifies the emotion. Attacking with your feelings means using your affect as a weapon.
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You have a choice in how you react
You can make decisions to change your OWN responses.
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