“There is no limit to the amount of good you can do if you don’t care who gets the credit.” – Ronald Reagan In a healthy marriage, each focuses on doing good things for the other and the relationship without worrying about getting credit for it. Don’t keep score of who does more or who […]
Focus on connection, not competition. Read More »
When we take our spouse into account, we are being mindful of their needs and desires. When we make an effort to understand our partner’s perspectives and work to meet their needs, we create a relationship where they feel valued, heard, and appreciated. On the other hand, when we don’t take our spouse into account,
The ripple effect of considering your spouse. Read More »
In challenging conversations, it can be difficult for someone to articulate their thoughts and feelings clearly. Therefore, it’s helpful to give your spouse some leeway to express themselves, even if they may not do so perfectly at first. Additionally, it’s crucial to acknowledge that when we are feeling upset or defensive, we may not be
Avoid jumping to conclusions, seek clarity. Read More »
Most people need some personal space or ‘me-time’ sometimes. Some people need that space more than others. It doesn’t necessarily reflect on the relationship. They need the space and time to reflect, recharge, to refuel. Respect your partner’s need for privacy and don’t take it personally if they want to be alone for a while.
Allow your spouse some ‘me time’. Read More »
If we have a problem with our spouse’s behavior, it’s our problem. Even if what they are doing (or not doing) leads to unfavorable outcomes, it is still our problem. It is when we recognize that the problems we have with others are, in fact, our problems, that we stop trying to change them and
Don’t like your spouse’s behavior? It’s your problem. Read More »
There are those decisions we made, the choices we took, and things we did or didn’t do that got us to where we are today. Sometimes, there are some regrets. Regret is different from disappointment. With disappointment, there is no agency, you feel that you can’t do anything. On the other hand, regret can propel
Regret makes us feel worse, but it makes us do better. Read More »
We live the lives we’re willing to tolerate. (NOTE: this is not at all saying that we are responsible for everything that happens to us, such as abuse.) If we are willing to tolerate negative or unsatisfying circumstances, we may find ourselves living a life that is less fulfilling or enjoyable. So many of us
We live the lives we are willing to tolerate. Read More »
Don’t take life so seriously all the time. Make time to laugh together. To do something goofy. Spontaneous. Irresponsible. Make some space in the busyness of your life for playing. If you are the spontaneous type, then just let serendipity reign. Or, you can create a list of things you’d like to try, just beyond
Add some playfulness into your marriage. Read More »
Instead of making an assumption or jumping to conclusions about something your spouse said or did, be curious. You’ll get a more accurate understanding of what is going on. And it will deepen your relationship.Curiosity leads to a deeper understanding of one another. Curiosity helps both of you grow. By asking and answering questions, you
Curiosity deepens your intimacy. Read More »
It’s inevitable. There will be some areas where the two of you will never agree. These are likely based on either fundamental differences in your personalities, or fundamental differences in your lifestyle needs. It’s how you see the world. These are problems that you will return to again and again. They will never be solved.
Every marriage has its perpetual problems. Read More »
