The best compliments specifically express our appreciation of the other person and our lives are enriched by what the other person has done. There’s a distinction between “You’re so smart. Those were some good ideas” and “I really appreciate your insights. I learned some new strategies that I can implement to really make this next […]
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Express your positive feelings about your spouse. Often. Compliments, appreciation, awe, approval, encouragement, pride, acknowledgments. Share those often. Why you would want to share your positive feelings. 1. Your spouse will want to spend time with you (not from a place of neediness). A person naturally seeks the company of those who think well of
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An effective structure of a complaint: the Complaint Sandwich. The hope when expressing a complaint is that the other person will listen and make some change. How the complaint is crafted (and delivered) is important. Guy Winch, in his book Squeaky Wheel, recommends a formula called “the complaint sandwich”. The first “slice of bread” in
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 5 Read More »
Complaints have 2 elements – the feelings and the task. When we complain, there are the feelings (upset, lonely, invisible, disrespected, underappreciated) and the desire for something to be different (share responsibilities, more time together). Often, we can respectfully share both with our spouse in one conversation. But sometimes, after thinking about it, we recognize
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Preparing for an effective complaint. Something is bothering you and you want an adjustment. It is worthwhile to think through how you will present it so that you will more likely be heard and there will be some change. Determine that this is worth bringing up. Is this something that has a possibility of being
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Tune into what is under the complaint. There’s a value of yours that is not being addressed. People complain because something that matters to us isn’t going as we expected. Instead of owning that unmet expectation and sharing how much it matters to us, we complain. Complaints indicate what people care about most – about
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Complaining is feedback, it is not criticizing. There is a place for complaints in a marriage. There will be issues or differences in every marriage, and there will always be a need for adjustments to be made – all through the life of a marriage. If these are unaddressed, they just pile up until the
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Why we sometimes get annoyed by people’s goodness. Sometimes, someone does a kindness for us (or for others) and we get negatively charged. Our spouse or friend brings us a small gift or does something nice for us, and we respond with “It’s so nice, but you shouldn’t have spent the money”. Or someone calls
Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves. Part 5 Read More »
Our relationships and interactions with all people, even strangers, tell us so much about ourselves. It is worthwhile to tune into the emotions that come up in those relationships. Our spouse might ask for something, like an omelet with lots of veggies or a massage or to go someplace for a daytrip. Nothing too big.
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Our relationships reflect to us what we can change in ourselves – and that can enhance our relationships. So often, there is something that our spouse does (or doesn’t do) that grates on us, that raises a negative emotion. The other person is just a mirror of ourselves – our strengths, limitations, beliefs, traits, etc.
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