So many of the arguments in marriage are around money. People have different values and priorities. Different ways of making financial decisions. Most of the money goes to joint expenses – household, children, tuition, bills. But then there are some discretionary choices of where to spend some money on little luxuries or comforts. Here is […]
Financial arrangements. Ours. Mine. Yours. Read More »
Throughout your marriage, you will need to make many decisions together – some bigger than others. It is worthwhile to plan how you work through decision making. You may determine that certain areas are the domain of one spouse and the other can provide input, but the ultimate decision is that spouse. For example: home
Create a decision-making plan Read More »
The better you know your spouse’s history – their upbringing, their schooling, their experiences – the better you can put their behaviors into context. And you can bring up your empathy. That is not to say that understanding where they come from is to excuse their bad behavior. But it does help you better understand
If you don’t love yourself, you aren’t really in a frame of mind to love others. It’s really that simple. You have to love yourself before you can give of yourself to someone else. So just start doing little things of self-love*. Right now; do not wait until you think you “deserve” it. (*For clarity:
Love yourself so you can love your spouse Read More »
Don’t take life so seriously all the time. Make time to laugh together. To do something goofy. Spontaneous. Irresponsible. Make some space in the busyness of your life for playing. If you are the spontaneous type, then just let serendipity reign. Or, you can create a list of things your’d like to try, just beyond
Add some playfulness into your marriage Read More »
Humor can make even the biggest problem more manageable. It can diffuse the stress and lighten the mood. It can make bad news easier to absorb. And humor helps people to relax, think more clearly, and make better decisions. Couples (or teams) that laugh together can weather greater storms together. More easily. It is worth
Seek the humor in a problem Read More »
Sometimes we are in emotional overload over a situation and we burst with a biting remark. We say it in attempt to make ourselves feel better. When we are feeling overwhelmed with negative emotion (stress, anxiety) before saying or doing anything, we ought to pause and take a breath. Ask ourselves: “What is the outcome
Think before you burst from your overwhelmed emotions Read More »
Don’t harp on the mistakes that your spouse made. (You also want to be cut some slack from time to time.) Saying words like “What were you thinking?” focus mostly on the mistake – made in the past. Many times, you’d do best by just letting the mistake go unmentioned. If you feel it ought
Ask: “What will you do differently next time?” not “What were you thinking?” Read More »
The conversation may start off calmly enough, but when emotions get involved, things can flare up. And rather quickly. Not leading anywhere positive. Hopefully, one of you will notice this before it gets too hot, and will call a ‘time out’. –>“Let’s not let this get out of hand and say things we will both
Don’t allow an argument to escalate. Yes, you can stop mid-sentence. Read More »
Remember what you admired and liked about your spouse when you first committed to a lifetime together. (And if you don’t remember, ask some of your friends from back them to remind you.) When (if) you hit a rough patch, bring up that positive image of your spouse’s best self. And address that person. The
Remember why you got married to your spouse. The happy moments. Read More »
