Or similar: “I agree we should talk about this.” When something triggers you, a calm and affirming response like these can help create space for a constructive conversation. First, you are acknowledging that the topic is worth discussing. You are showing your spouse that you’re listening and open to understanding their perspective, even if it […]
Words to Use: “I agree that this is worth discussing.” Read More »
It’s normal to want to defend yourself or “set things straight.” We all feel the need to protect our ideas, our ego, or our version of the story. But often, that instinct can escalate tension and create unnecessary friction. By choosing not to respond, you’re not giving up your voice or agreeing with something you
Overcome the urge to defend yourself. Pause and choose peace. Read More »
When faced with conflict or differing perspectives, asking, “Are you willing to [hear another perspective, think differently about this, see this from a different point of view]?” can be incredibly powerful. This question shifts the focus from winning an argument to fostering understanding. It encourages the other person to reflect on their openness to change
The power of “Are you willing?” in conflict Read More »
When I get upset, sad, or experience another tough feeling, what I really need from you is to listen and support me. Most of the time, I don’t need you to fix things for me (I’ll let you know when I do). What I really don’t want is for you to tell me not to
“When I’m feeling upset, I don’t want you to tell me not to feel that way.” Read More »
Starting a hard conversation can feel daunting, but it’s often the first step toward growth. Saying, “This is probably going to be a hard conversation, let’s speak about it anyway,” helps set the tone for honesty. It acknowledges the challenge but also opens the door to facing it together. To prepare, it’s important to be
“This is probably going to be a hard conversation, let’s speak about it anyway” 🌟 Read More »
When there is a conflict or difference of opinion, the goal shouldn’t be to prove the other person wrong. If the focus is on winning the argument, all that happens is that the other person gets defeated. And when someone feels defeated, they’re less likely to engage openly or do their best thinking about the
In a conflict? It’s not about winning, it’s about understanding. Read More »
🥺”I’ve reached a point where I’m just too exhausted to keep telling you about my feelings and needs. It feels like every time I express myself, I’m dismissed. So, I’ll just stop talking. 🥺”While you might feel relieved that I’m not complaining or bringing up issues, my silence doesn’t mean I’m okay. It signals that
When it comes to facing challenges or new experiences, it’s better to be prepared than to plan. Planning often involves setting specific goals, expectations and steps, which can lead to disappointment if things don’t go as expected. Preparation, on the other hand, is more of a mindset about being ready for whatever comes our way.
Don’t plan, prepare: be ready for whatever comes your way Read More »
We all have moments when our words don’t land the way we intended. When that happens, it’s important to acknowledge the impact of what was said. Try saying, “I can see how that was hurtful,” or “I understand how that could have been confusing.” These phrases show empathy and validate the other person’s feelings. Follow
What to say when your words come out wrong Read More »
When you say, “I’m sorry. OK, so I’m not a good (enough) husband/wife,” or throw out phrases like “I’m so pathetic” or “You deserve better than this,” it doesn’t feel like a real apology to me. It feels like you’re deflecting. Honestly, it seems like you’re sidestepping the hurt I’m feeling. Those self-pitying apologies don’t
“‘I’m sorry; I am just pathetic’ isn’t the apology I need.” Read More »
