As unique individuals coming from different backgrounds, there will be instances where you and your spouse view things from different perspectives. You may not fully appreciate why something is so important or meaningful to them. It’s best to ask for more information, “Please help me better understand what about this is so important to you.” […]
Category: JOT-Better Words
Words to Avoid: “That’s so stupid”
Other versions of this are: That’s ridiculous. That’s ignorant. That’s unrealistic.
You may not agree with the other person’s words, ideas or point of view. Nonetheless, you should always respect them.
When you say such words, you are probably trying to get the other person to see your perspective. Now think about how these words land on the other person. Will they be willing to listen? Not likely. And now on top of the difference of ideas, you have added disrespect unnecessarily.
There’s a better way. “I can see your point. I don’t think it is the best course of action because ….” “Your plan can be problematic and here’s why…”
Words to Avoid: “I will never forgive you for that”
Forgiveness is a gift. A gift you give to yourself. When you hold onto resentment or a grudge, you are shackling yourself to that event in your past. That hurt and resentment is a burden – the offender doesn’t carry it, only you do. Actually, when you hold that grudge, you are giving power to […]
Words to Avoid: “What do you want me to do about it?”
These words are sarcastic, condescending and they also have the connotation that you want to evade your responsibility in the situation. It is basically saying that you don’t want to deal with the matter, and that you think that the other person is unreasonable in expecting that you can help. By saying this, not only […]
Words to Avoid: “I had no choice”
We always have a choice, although some choices may indeed be very difficult. Seth Godin posits, “’I had no choice,’ actually means, ‘I had only one path that was easy in the moment.’” When someone uses the words “I had no choice”, they come off as a victim or defeatist who gave up their locus […]
Words to Avoid: “To be honest”
Often this phrase is used to preface that the next statement will be frank or blunt. Think of how these words might land on the listener:- It may leave them suspicious and concerned about what you will say next (albeit for just a few seconds). Noone likes that feeling, even if for a few nanoseconds. […]
Words to Use: “How can I show up for you?”
“Showing up for someone” is about bearing witness to their pain, joy, and true selves; validating their experiences; easing their load; truly seeing them; and communicating that they are not alone in this life. When you offer to show up for someone, you are offering all that … for them.Some ways you can offer to […]
Words to Use: “Thanks for correcting me, I didn’t realize that.”
Embrace the correction as a gift. Your response to the correction should reflect that you are grateful for them sharing with you. Keep it short; admit the mistake and thank them for helping. Do not try to rationalize your point of view or defend yourself. This shows your willingness to take in other perspectives and […]