Respect your spouse’s need to share the feedback, as hard as it is for you to hear it. Listen – with respect. – Bite your tongue. Do not interrupt. Let him/her say it all. Do not get defensive. – Ask questions. Try to get to the underlying issue (ex: resentment, triggers a memory, need for […]
Listen to negative feedback – with respect Read More »
“Do not appease someone when his anger is aroused.” Avos 4:18
There is a time for silence and a time to talk Read More »
The word BUT negates all the goodwill that you are building up with the first part of your sentence. The BUT gets someone’s defenses up, and makes them way less able to hear the important thing you want them to listen to. Instead, using the words AT THE SAME TIME or AND can be much
Replace the word “But” with “At the same time” Read More »
Spouses often report feeling disrespected when their wives/husbands consult their parents for advice instead of or before consulting them first. Especially, when the question impacts the couple or the family.
Ask your partner for advice, not your parents. Read More »
An acknowledgment is a positive comment that focuses on who the person is. It acknowledges the unique individual they are underneath all the talents, skills and facade. — “You are so dedicated to the children you work with.” “Your passion for the work you do comes out in how you …” “You care so much
Acknowledgment: A positive comment that focuses on who the person is Read More »
BASIC I STATEMENT: I feel ___ when ____ ex: I feel worried when I think that you’ll be home for dinner and you aren’t here for hours and I don’t hear from you. – I FEEL Avoid words that may seem like emotions, but really imply the action of your partner: “I feel…ignored, annoyed, mistreated,
Use “I statements”. Avoid “You statements” of blame and accusation Read More »
When you describe your feelings, do you use clarifying words to make them understood. “I’m sad and tearful” …” I feel a yearning to be closer” …”I’m feeling rather hurt and withdrawn” …”I’m stunned and embarrassed”. Notice that the description directly identifies the emotion. Attacking with your feelings means using your affect as a weapon.
Describe your feelings rather than attack with them. Read More »
You can make decisions to change your OWN responses.
You have a choice in how you react Read More »
