Vulnerability is consciously choosing to NOT hide our emotions, desires and opinions from others. It’s about not being overly concerned with protecting our ego and worrying about what others might think of us. It’s about letting our guard down and sharing the more tricky parts of ourselves. It’s about letting others see the real and […]
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Look out for positives in your spouse. Find reasons to offer compliments, praise and gratitude. Consistently fan the sparks of positive feelings about your spouse. Constantly look out for things that your spouse is getting right or doing well. Try to notice the small things that each of you contributes to your life together. That
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Acknowledge the person that they are. An expression of acknowledgment goes beyond the person’s action. It recognizes the person and their qualities and inner character that enabled them to do what they did. It’s a statement of “I see who you are!”It’s not about what someone has done, but rather who they were when they
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The power “Thank you” As humans, we have an innate need to contribute to meeting other people’s needs. When we express gratitude we offer a gift to the other person – the knowledge that they have contributed to our lives. Our expression of gratitude for their efforts helps them feel appreciated. A fuller, more detailed
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The best compliments specifically express our appreciation of the other person and our lives are enriched by what the other person has done. There’s a distinction between “You’re so smart. Those were some good ideas” and “I really appreciate your insights. I learned some new strategies that I can implement to really make this next
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Express your positive feelings about your spouse. Often. Compliments, appreciation, awe, approval, encouragement, pride, acknowledgments. Share those often. Why you would want to share your positive feelings. 1. Your spouse will want to spend time with you (not from a place of neediness). A person naturally seeks the company of those who think well of
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An effective structure of a complaint: the Complaint Sandwich. The hope when expressing a complaint is that the other person will listen and make some change. How the complaint is crafted (and delivered) is important. Guy Winch, in his book Squeaky Wheel, recommends a formula called “the complaint sandwich”. The first “slice of bread” in
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Complaints have 2 elements – the feelings and the task. When we complain, there are the feelings (upset, lonely, invisible, disrespected, underappreciated) and the desire for something to be different (share responsibilities, more time together). Often, we can respectfully share both with our spouse in one conversation. But sometimes, after thinking about it, we recognize
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Preparing for an effective complaint. Something is bothering you and you want an adjustment. It is worthwhile to think through how you will present it so that you will more likely be heard and there will be some change. Determine that this is worth bringing up. Is this something that has a possibility of being
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Tune into what is under the complaint. There’s a value of yours that is not being addressed. People complain because something that matters to us isn’t going as we expected. Instead of owning that unmet expectation and sharing how much it matters to us, we complain. Complaints indicate what people care about most – about
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