“We need to talk.” People (especially men) don’t like to hear about what they are doing ‘wrong’. It brings up feelings of shame and inadequacy. Which then brings the desire to shut down or to run away. Which then makes the other person feel even more upset and resentful. In a downward spiral. Of course, […]
Talking about problems in your relationship is probably making things worse. Read More »
Begin by asking the other person directly what you can do to help. “What might I do to support you?” “What would make it better?” If they are unable (or unwilling) to share, ask yourself: What helped me when I felt similarly? Or: What would have helped me? Think about how the other person would
Acting with compassionate empathy Read More »
You can show empathy through your words and supportive actions. Other powerful ways include giving of time (chronemics) and touch (haptics). Different people appreciate different words such as validation (“It makes sense you would feel this way”), identifying with their feelings or situation (“I understand because that happened to me”), or expressing differences (“I can’t
How to respond with empathy and compassion. Read More »
Understanding the three types of empathy can help you build stronger, healthier relationships. Cognitive empathy also known as ‘perspective-taking’, enables you to put yourself in someone else’s shoes – but without necessarily engaging with their emotions. Cognitive empathy makes you a better communicator, because it helps you relay information in a way that best reaches
3 Dimensions of empathy Read More »
Think of negative situations as challenges, not as problems. And as challenges, use them as opportunities to grow, to enrich your perspectives, and make worthwhile changes in your life. It is a mindset. Thinking of the situation as a problem solidifies the issue as if it is permanent and that it will absolutely change your
Happiness is not the absence of problems, it is the ability to work with them. Read More »
A growth area is something that you ought to work on to live your best self – as an individual and in the coupleship. We all have areas in which we should grow. And growing is a life-long endeavor. Throughout our lives, we should always be growing and improving. • As humans, we have blindspots
Be honest to yourself about your growth areas Read More »
Create a master list for yourself about your spouse’s positive qualities. You can refer back to this list when you need a reminder. Just doing this exercise is a major booster for marriage. Write these down; don’t just think it. What are 3 qualities that originally attracted me to my spouse? What are 3 favorite
Highlight your spouse’s positive qualities Read More »
The daffodils are blossoming. One of the earliest flowers of spring. Spring is here! Spring is magical. The flowers, the birds, the floral scents. The days get longer and warmer. Life begins to reemerge, and the world begins to bloom. Spring signifies new beginnings. This is all apparent in nature. Do you notice this in
Spring: Winter doesn’t last forever. Read More »
With all the wonderfulness of Pesach, there is also much disruption to schedule and routine. As much as practical, try to set order. Organize your kitchen and food storage as best as possible. Unpack your suitcases. Spend an hour or so planning and you’ll save yourselves and you’ll save yourselves much time (which build up
Clear space = Clear mind and spirit Read More »
Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel so upset. Think about your feelings, and what values or needs are not being addressed. Discuss one topic at a time. Don’t dump all your frustrations. No degrading language. Discuss the issue, not the person. Express your feelings with words. Use ‘I statements’. Don’t slam doors or
Fight fair & smart Read More »
