Many people deal with negative emotions – frustration, disappointment, anger, fear – by suppressing those feelings, hiding them and putting on a fake smile. This is not effective and leads to several negative outcomes for the person: negative impact on relationships, resentments, less support and elevated blood pressure. And it also elevates other people’s stress […]
Negative emotions: Don’t suppress or lash out. Reappraise. Read More »
Let your spouse have the space and time to do the things that are important to them. Our desires don’t always outweigh their desires. And note, they may just want or need time for a hobby or some downtime. It isn’t always about tasks, errands and chores. Too often, we want our priorities to be
Let your spouse do what is important to them. Read More »
Get to you know your spouse’s preferred ways of doing things – like relaxing, hearing difficult news, feel loved, work through problems, etc. Ask. Ask. Ask. You can ask in theory – before you actually are in a situation: “How do you feel loved? What can I do more of?” “What would be a great
Ask: “What is your preferred way?” Read More »
Confirmation Bias: When people would like a certain idea or concept to be true, they seek and embrace information that confirms that view while ignoring, or rejecting, information that casts doubt on it. They are motivated by wishful thinking. Someone begins with a faulty assumption and then looks for evidence to prove their assumption. “My
Reflect on your thoughts: Can it be confirmation bias? Read More »
Sometimes, people so desperately want to get whatever it is they want, they may act like a bully to get it. They may insult, manipulate, shun, trick, tease, put down, degrade, insist. In other words, bully. They may win the battle and get what they want. For this time. But the relationship is losing. –
Bullying may win the battle, but it loses the relationship Read More »
What is it that you really want? The majority of people know exactly what they don’t want, but don’t really know what they DO want. Or, they sort of know the direction of what they want, but they haven’t clearly articulated it to themselves. And worse, they hope that their spouse or friend can figure
What do you really want? Read More »
Something big on your mind? Is it taking over your life? Do not let it consume you. Step out of the situation for a while. Do something else to distract you for a bit. The situation will still be there, but you’ll be in a clearer frame of mind. Take a long walk. Spend some
Don’t allow the issue to consume you. Step outside of it to gain clarity. Read More »
When you receive a gift or assistance, really receive it; it is a sign of gratitude and respect to the giver. The giver wants to give you something. Refusing the gift or assistance denies the giver of the joy of giving. If you don’t (yet) receive graciously, reflect about it. – Is it possible that
Receive graciously, so that your spouse can be a giver. Read More »
Language matters when you’re problem solving – generating information and ideas. Focus on “Yes, and,” rather than “No, but.” The “Yes, and” mindset encourages people to expand their thoughts, which is necessary during certain stages of creative problem solving. Using the word “but” – preceded by “yes” or “no” – ends conversation, and often negates
Problem solving? Think “Yes, and…” not “No, but …” Read More »
If you are unsure about something, just ask: “What do you mean by that?” Then check back to see if you really got what the other person meant. Allow the other to clarify. “So what I understand is …. Did I get that right?” NOTE: There is a huge difference between “So what you are
