The phrase “give and take” seems to infer reciprocity or negotiation and compromise. All important in a relationship.–The ‘give’ part is wonderful. It’s the word ‘take’ that is somewhat problematic. The word ‘take’ is often used interchangeably with ‘receive’. However, there is a subtle but important difference between the two words. It’s a small nuance […]
Marriage is not ‘give and take’ Read More »
In a caring and calm voice, you might say something along these lines: “Please speak in a calmer tone so I can listen better.” – Take the onus on yourself; you can’t listen well when there is screaming. – “I need to stop you for a moment.” And once they stop, “This is much too
How to lower the tension during an argument Read More »
Once your words are said, the impression they leave is remembered forever. Even if the words are forgiven, they are not forgotten. Choose your words carefully.
Taste your words before you spit them out Read More »
You can’t make another person happy. No one can make you happy. – Meet each other’s needs. And the happiness will flow from that.
Happiness flows from connection Read More »
Think how you could make it easier for your spouse to increase their positive characteristics (ie: to do more of what you would like to see from them). – Think about: For my spouse to be more ________, I could ________. For my spouse to pitch in more with housework, I could be less concerned
Make it easier for your spouse to love you Read More »
Every choice you make is like a seesaw; when you say “yes” to one thing, you are saying “no” to another. For example, if you are saying ‘yes’ to helping someone, you are saying ‘no’ to using that time for yourself. If you are saying ‘yes’ to working more hours, you are saying ‘no’ to
The ‘Yes-No’ balance Read More »
Men and women feel stress differently and manage stress differently as well. To generalize, women reach out to others when stressed, and men seek escape. Women will seek support and want to talk about it to lower their anxiety. Men repress their feelings and might change the subject. The key is to understand the difference
Men and women deal with stress differently Read More »
Asking for forgiveness places control in the other person’s hands, since he/she doesn’t have to forgive you just because you’ve apologized. Note: There is a difference between asking for forgiveness and DEMANDING forgiveness. Words you might use: “I care about you a lot. Will you please forgive me?” – “I know it might take you
Request forgiveness. Read More »
How you accept an apology from your spouse will impact if you will get apologies in the future; after all, arguments and injuries are inevitable in a marriage. Accept the apology gracefully. If you make it hard to apologize, your spouse will be less forthcoming in the future. Accepting the apology gracefully and forgiving is
Accept an apology gracefully Read More »
A heartfelt apology includes REMORSE. Remorse comes from true empathy for the pain the other person is feeling because of your actions. Remorse is different from feeling regret. Regret has to do with wishing you hadn’t taken a particular action or said something. You may regret an action because it hurt someone else, but you
Don’t ruin an apology with an excuse. Read More »
