May 2021

Second date? Almost always. First impressions are powerful, but not always accurate.  Usually, it is worth meeting again. Oftentimes, it is only on the second date that the potential for the shiduch is recognized. If you feel that you did not present yourself fully, for any of the above scenarios, or any other reason, let […]

Move at the pace of the slower one.  Don’t let anyone pressure you. And certainly don’t pressure the other. You want the decision to commit to marriage to come from a clear head. People process in different ways. People’s schedules are different and they may not have enough quiet time to process what they are

Sharing about medical conditions. Medical conditions are nothing to be ashamed of, share your story with confidence.  (There is a mindset difference between disclosing and sharing.) Related: How to Share about a Medical Condition Medical Conditions: To Share or Not?

Don’t surprise her with a proposal.   How you propose can be a surprise, but not that you will be proposing.  Make sure she will be comfortable saying yes (that it is not too early). You should have had conversations about a life together. You should have had conversations about a possible date for an official

Do not begin dating if you do not have the time to take it all the way to the end.  If you might run into pre-commitments, finals or have visa issues that precludes you from flying, don’t get started. It’s not fair to the relationship or the other person. Or you. Related

Do not commit to marriage until you have shared everything that needs to be shared.  And you know that they understand and accept it. An important goal of shiduch dating is to know that you both know that you are getting into a viable relationship. That you both know what you are signing up for

Reference back to something that was said on a previous date. This shows that you were thinking about the date since the last time you spent together. “I want to circle back to something you said last time. I want to better understand it.” “I was thinking about what you were saying last time, and

Provide ‘hooks’ for the conversation to flow more easily. Hooks are questions or statements that invite the other person into a richer conversation. In a conversation, answer questions with full sentences that give at least a few hooks for the possible continuation of the conversation. For example, to the question “What did you do last

Your first compliments to her should not be about her looks or clothing.  Most women want to be noticed for who they are as a person. There are so many ways you can compliment someone. You can follow up the compliment with a question: “What is your secret?” “How do you do that day in

Talk to someone to help you process your dates.   Someone wise and objective. They should be guiding you with questions, not telling you what to do next. All people who are dating for shiduchim – no matter how many people they have dated – ought to have someone “outside” their usual circles with whom they