When the trash can is spilling over, the job of taking it out seems much more daunting. You’ll have to squash the stuff back into the bag and pick up the pieces that have spilled over to the floor. Just take it out before it gets too full. Similarly, deal with relationship issues before they […]
Don’t let the trash get overwhelming Read More »
Seriously. If you’ve said the same thing one thousand (or even a few dozen times) and you are not getting the result you hoped for, then who is the stubborn fool? You know that it is not the way to get the change you seek, so why are you saying it again and again? –
Said it “1000 times”? Now try something new. Read More »
Your spouse doesn’t have to want to do it. But they are doing it. Be grateful. And express it in the full. Don’t insist that they should ‘want’ to do it for you. Express your gratitude fully; include how whatever they just did enriched your life (or made it easier or better). “I know you
Accept the reluctant ‘yes’ Read More »
It’s the ‘together’ part that is important. What you do is much less so. You can cook dinner together. Move furniture. Paint a room. Clean the backyard. Change a lightbulb. Even if you can do it faster and better alone, do it together. Not for the chore, but for the marriage. – Ask for help.
Do a chore together. Read More »
Talk about what pleases you, not only what bothers you. Preface negative statements with positive ones that let your spouse know that you haven’t forgotten their good qualities, even when you are upset about something. —- “I know that you have good intentions when you say that you’ll be home early…but it’s a real problem
Talk about positive, not only negative Read More »
Your dreams don’t just come true. You have to work toward them. Your high dreams – how do you dream your marriage relationship will be: What will you be doing for your spouse? What will your spouse be doing for you (be realistic)? What will you be doing together? What are you going to do
High dreams. Low dreams Read More »
“Why should I start the change?” Someone has to start. You want the change. So you start. Your spouse will follow shortly (at least, spouses usually do).
Why should you start? Because you want the change. Read More »
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE SILENT DURING THE CONVERSATION. – “All my days I grew up among the sages and did not find anything better for the body than silence.” – Avos 1:17 – “There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.” – Simon Sinek – Similarly, “The opposite
When you are silent, are you listening or waiting? Read More »
Being compared negatively to anyone stings. Additionally, these statements are usually said when the listener doesn’t quite stack up to what the other is hoping. That stings too. Double sting. – Don’t say “You so emotional, just like your mom.” “You remind me of X, he’s also so clueless about these things.” “Why can’t you
Avoid negative comparisons Read More »
Acknowledge your own sensitivities and turn criticism into requests Often you can avoid conflict by prefacing your reactions, comments, and criticism with a statement that acknowledges your own sensitivities. “I know I need more attention than a lot of other people do” rather than “You don’t pay enough attention to me.” – Why this works:
Acknowledge your sensitivities Read More »
