Words to Avoid: “Not again!”
Some words to avoid: “Not again!” This implies that this happens often, and somehow it someone else’s fault. Instead, find the humor in it.
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JOT general
Reset your marriage
You’re human. You are going to say or do the wrong thing. Or do something stupid. Sometimes. Often. Apologize. And set things straight. It’s like pressing the RESET button. “I was wrong. You were right. I’m sorry. Let’s try it again.” Even if your spouse doesn’t ask. Press the Reset button anyway. Forgive.
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Love, respect, friendship … & willingness to put in effort
A strong, healthy marriage includes love, respect, friendship, acceptance, and … The last crucial ingredient is a willingness to put in the effort. – SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE = ACCEPTANCE + EFFORT – Partners need to accept each other lovingly in many ways. However, acceptance is only half the formula of what makes a loving, solid, life-long,
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Minimize defensiveness. Use better words.
Defensiveness destroys relationships from the inside-out. It creates a climate of contention and tension that eventually leads to a loss of trust, alienation, and separation. No one likes to hear a tirade of complaints and gripes. Not you, not your spouse. – Choose words that are easier to hear. When talking about a concern, begin
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Words to Avoid: “You should …”
Some words to avoid: “You should…” “Should” is one of the most judgmental words one can use. Telling people what they should or shouldn’t do, say, or think makes you the judge and ruler of their thoughts, decisions and actions. And it never feels good to be on the receiving side of judgment. Instead of
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Even happy couples have conflict
Miscommunications are bound to happen. And, both of you are unique individuals with your own unique way of seeing the world. You will have differences in ideas of how to deal in certain situations. That means there will be conflicts. Happy couples are OK with conflicts. They feel safe to share their perspectives. They discuss
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Thoughts and feelings are very different
Thoughts and feelings are often used interchangeably. There really is a difference – a big difference. ONLY USE THE WORDS ‘I FEEL/ I AM ‘ WHEN FOLLOWED BY A TRUE FEELING, NOT A THOUGHT/ OPINION. Feelings “I feel/ I am” followed by [a feeling] “I feel [sad, mad, glad, scared]” “I am [sad, mad, glad,
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Words to Avoid: “I don’t care”
Some words to avoid: “I don’t care.” You may think that this statement gives an easy-going impression and avoids rocking the boat; in reality it gives an unclear message and causes confusion. Rather say, “I am good either way.” “I don’t have a preference.”
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Deal with negative emotions ASAP
We all know there will be fights and conflicts of interest sometimes. That’s a given. Don’t let negative emotions fester. Bottling up emotions means that it will build up and eventually explode in an extremely unhealthy and detrimental manner. Rather, bring it up – respectfully. As soon as you have calmed down from the episode
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Avoid speculating: Don’t wonder, guess, assume
Wondering, guessing and assuming someone’s thoughts and intentions are all speculating. – Speculating does little to find out your spouse’s actual thoughts and intentions. Speculations generate feelings of powerlessness. And they invite misunderstandings. — – Assuming: “I’m sure you’ll never get around to it.” – Guessing: “I bet you want to go with your friends
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