Feedback and hearing others’ perspectives is how we grow and learn about each other. It is important in a relationship. But giving feedback can be stressful – both to the receiver and the giver. When receiving feedback, most people jump into self-preservation mode and defend themselves. And just knowing that the other may not accept
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If you have brought up a topic and your spouse does not want to address it or change, then just let it go. Regardless of how right you believe you are, you cannot force anyone to make changes. If they are not interested in making the change, it behooves you and your marriage to just
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When you try to prove yourself, you are basically trying to show that you are right. Even at the expense at being at odds with others. Even at the expense of actually taking in the insights and bettering yourself. When you try to prove yourself, you might take offense from and challenge genuine feedback, question
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The phrase “Choose your battles” is about recognizing that bringing up the topic will have consequences to the relationship. Life is too short to spend it on warring, and thus choose a battle that is critical and will bring you to a better place rather than fighting for fighting sake. Fight only the most, most,
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Feedback gives you information about yourself that you’re unable to see on your own. Your spouse doesn’t have to give it, but they care enough to take the risk. Focus on the message to see if it’s true so you can decide what change might be needed.
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“I care, therefore I criticize,” or “I’m telling you this because I care about you.” To the one who is being told to do things differently, what comes through loudest and clearest is the criticism. But the one offering suggestions and judgments is usually focused on the caring. Why the disconnect? So much depends on
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We’re not talking about hurting your partner’s feelings on purpose. Not every conversation will be comfortable. Sometimes something must be brought up for the sake of the relationship, for the family, for your spouse’s betterment. It is quite possible that your spouse may be slightly hurt or even very hurt. If your spouse does something
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Of course everyone is indeed entitled to their opinion. Yet, the phrase “I’m entitled to my opinion” has a negative undertone. It gives the impression that you want to close the conversation and do not care to hear the other opinion(s) being offered in the discussion. Even worse, it has the connotation that further discussion
Words to avoid: “I’m entitled to my opinion” Read More »
More than cute little surprises, do some random acts of kindness and helpfulness. At all times, an unexpected act of kindness can go a long way to boost every one’s day. Some ideas to get you thinking… – Fill their car with gas. Clean their car. – Cut up a salad. – Prepare a smoothie
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Predictability has its place. At the same time everyone appreciates a little novelty and surprise every so often. Do surprising things that make married life less predictable. Every relationship, without exception, needs excitement. – Instead of going out for dinner for a date, go for brunch. – Pick up a little gift that shows you
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