There is a time for silence and a time to talk
“Do not appease someone when his anger is aroused.” Avos 4:18
There is a time for silence and a time to talk Read More »
JOT
Replace the word “But” with “At the same time”
The word BUT negates all the goodwill that you are building up with the first part of your sentence. The BUT gets someone’s defenses up, and makes them way less able to hear the important thing you want them to listen to. Instead, using the words AT THE SAME TIME or AND can be much
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Ask your partner for advice, not your parents.
Spouses often report feeling disrespected when their wives/husbands consult their parents for advice instead of or before consulting them first. Especially, when the question impacts the couple or the family.
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Acknowledgment: A positive comment that focuses on who the person is
An acknowledgment is a positive comment that focuses on who the person is. It acknowledges the unique individual they are underneath all the talents, skills and facade. — “You are so dedicated to the children you work with.” “Your passion for the work you do comes out in how you …” “You care so much
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Use “I statements”. Avoid “You statements” of blame and accusation
BASIC I STATEMENT: I feel ___ when ____ ex: I feel worried when I think that you’ll be home for dinner and you aren’t here for hours and I don’t hear from you. – I FEEL Avoid words that may seem like emotions, but really imply the action of your partner: “I feel…ignored, annoyed, mistreated,
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Describe your feelings rather than attack with them.
When you describe your feelings, do you use clarifying words to make them understood. “I’m sad and tearful” …” I feel a yearning to be closer” …”I’m feeling rather hurt and withdrawn” …”I’m stunned and embarrassed”. Notice that the description directly identifies the emotion. Attacking with your feelings means using your affect as a weapon.
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You have a choice in how you react
You can make decisions to change your OWN responses.
You have a choice in how you react Read More »