Too often, we assume we know what someone needs—advice, solutions, or maybe just space. But instead of guessing, try asking, “How can I support you right now?” This simple question shifts the focus from fixing to understanding. It allows the other person to define what feels helpful in the moment—whether that’s a listening ear, a […]
Words to Use: “How can I support you right now?” Read More »
Sometimes, life throws us off course—whether it’s stress, exhaustion, or something else—and we might not be our usual selves. When this happens, it’s important to communicate with your spouse so they don’t feel confused or left wondering. Start by acknowledging the situation. If you notice yourself acting differently, like being quiet or distant, it’s helpful
When life feels ‘off’, keep your spouse in the loop Read More »
🥺“Some topics are hard—hard to hear, hard to say. But when we don’t have those tough conversations, I feel the silence turning into a wedge. The unspoken words don’t disappear—they linger, creating distance and tension. And avoiding the topic doesn’t solve anything; it just makes the issue harder to bring up later. I don’t want
“I wish we could talk about the hard things too” Read More »
Paying attention to changes in your spouse’s behavior and demeanor can reveal unspoken emotions and needs. Is she getting quieter? More anxious? Asking for extra support more often? Withdrawing? Becoming quicker to frustration? There could be many reasons for these changes—whether or not they’re directly related to you. Still, if you’re noticing these shifts in
Read the signals: What your spouse’s reactions might be telling you Read More »
People are social beings, wired to seek connection, especially during stressful or emotional moments. Co-regulation is all about leaning on each other to stay calm and balanced when things get tough. Some people may feel like they need to handle everything themselves, but the truth is, we all need help sometimes. Sometimes, we just need
Asking for your spouse’s support: it’s not weakness, it’s co-regulation Read More »
When I get upset, sad, or experience another tough feeling, what I really need from you is to listen and support me. Most of the time, I don’t need you to fix things for me (I’ll let you know when I do). What I really don’t want is for you to tell me not to
“When I’m feeling upset, I don’t want you to tell me not to feel that way.” Read More »
When we are going through a challenge or a transition, we need the support of others. Different people prefer different types of support. Know your style and seek it out. You may want different types of support from different people. And, this may change over time and depend on the situation. Similarly, when someone you
What kind of support do you want? Read More »
There is a real distinction between merely hearing the words and really listening for the message. Unlike ‘hearing’ what the speaker is saying, listening requires our full concentration which involves using all of our senses on what exactly is being said. The words they are saying are not telling the whole story. When you tune
Listen beyond the words. Listen for emotion. Read More »
Of course, you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, but one of the nice things about being married is that you don’t have to shoulder life all on your own. Let your spouse take care of you once in a while. You don’t have to do it alone. Your spouse wants what is
Give yourself permission to lean on your partner. Read More »
Advice is someone telling you what to do. Many times, when we are facing a challenge, we just want someone to tell us what to do. It is so much easier and it takes away our burden. You may be needing an answer, but is someone else’s advice best? Are you asking the right person?
Don’t seek advice, seek insight. Read More »
