Sometimes, people ask a question, but they are really seeking reassurance and encouragement. “Do you think I am ready?” “Does this look good?” They aren’t looking for information and they don’t necessarily even want the truthful answer. Instead of answering the question, respond to the underlying need. “You are well prepared for the presentation.” “I […]
Not every question is a question. Read More »
Your spouse isn’t a mind reader. If you need support, you need to ask for it. If you know what type of support you need, ask for it directly and clearly. It isn’t helpful to hint or wish. Your spouse wants to support you; they just need to know what kind of support you are
If it seems to you that your spouse is stressed or concerned or not their usual self, notice and say something. Don’t just hope and assume that it will resolve itself. Ask – with care and concern, “I’m noticing that [you are more quiet] in the last few days. What is going on for you?”
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People are drawn to those who make them feel uplifted. When you encourage people, challenge them to go on to be bigger and better, you elevate them. Not only will they move forward in their goals, you two will have a stronger connection. You can be their ‘champion’. As their champion, you … 1. Listen
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Show your enthusiasm when your spouse shares good news, such as accomplishment. There are four common ways of responding to news. It all starts with a mindset: – An active-constructive response (enthusiastic support): “That’s great! I knew you could do it. You’ve been working so hard.” – A passive-constructive response (understated support): a warm smile
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You are on the same team trying to get through this craziness. It’s not your ideas vs your spouse’s ideas. It’s all about “what can we do together with the situation we are facing?” You each may have different perspectives and vantage points. You may see needs and challenges differently. That may always be your
Team up against the chaos Read More »
Your spouse wants to try something new – a diet, a side hustle business, whatever. Of course, you want to show your support, but don’t overdo it. Don’t take over. – Show that you believe that they are fully capable of making good choices and succeeding. Don’t jump in with your own ideas, unless you
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They need to be reassured that you still think they are wonderful, even if the rest of the world doesn’t. • Show that you are on the same team against the problem. Running into a financial setback? cut back on some luxuries. Stick up for your spouse if someone has rejected them, insulted them, etc.
Encourage your spouse when they feel down Read More »
Is it possible that you are unintentionally ‘parenting’ your spouse – i.e. doing for them because you think they can’t do it right on their own? Of course, spouses do for each other. And not because they expect to get anything back. But if you are doing it because you think that they can’t do
Stop doing so much for your spouse Read More »
“Supportive” means different things to different people. There are 4 general ways of support: • physical comfort and emotional support – listening and empathizing, taking your spouse’s hand, giving your spouse a hug • esteem support – expressing confidence in your partner, providing encouragement • informational support – giving advice, gathering information • tangible support
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