This line implies that the issue is either already resolved or unworthy of further discussion. It can feel like you’re saying, “We’ve already talked about this, stop bringing it up.” But for your partner, it may feel like their concerns are continuously ignored or dismissed. Instead of avoiding the repetition, use it as an opportunity […]
Category: JOT-Better Words
Words to Use: “I messed that up. Can we try again?”
This phrase shows humility and a willingness to reset the conversation or situation. It acknowledges your mistake and invites the other person to give you another chance without defensiveness. It creates space for repair and fosters emotional safety in the relationship. 💬 “I didn’t handle that well. Can we start over?”💬 “I see how I […]
Words to Avoid: “What are you talking about, that never happened.”
The phrase dismisses the other person’s experience, potentially invalidating their feelings and perceptions of what happened. In fact, this can be gaslighting, a manipulation tactic used to make someone doubt their own memories or perception of reality. If indeed you have a different perception of the event, you can be curious about why the other […]
Words to Use: “I’m upset because I expected…”
This phrase helps clarify your feelings by acknowledging that your upset is tied to an unmet expectation. It invites a conversation about what you expected, helping the other person understand your perspective. It also signals a willingness to discuss and reflect on whether those expectations were realistic or not. 💬 “I’m upset because I expected […]
Words to Avoid: “Why are we even talking about this?”
This phrase can shut down a conversation before it even starts. It dismisses the importance of the topic and can make your partner feel like their concerns are invalid or unimportant. It’s a quick way to make the other person feel unheard, and that can lead to frustration and emotional distance. Instead of blocking the […]
Words to Use: “That wasn’t fair of me.”
These five words can shift the whole tone of a conversation. They show self-awareness. Accountability. And a willingness to repair.They tell your partner: I see how my actions—or inactions—affected you, and I’m not going to brush it off. 💬 “That wasn’t fair of me. I can see how that landed.”💬 “You’re right—I didn’t handle that […]
Words to Avoid: “If you say so.”
This phrase often comes across as dismissive, passive, and reluctant. It can make the other person feel like their perspective isn’t worthy of real engagement or respect. It’s a way of brushing off their feelings or opinions without truly addressing them. Instead of shutting down the conversation with this phrase, try showing curiosity and a […]
Words to Use: “Help me understand your perspective.”
We’re two unique people—different upbringings, different wiring, different life experiences. So, of course, we’ll see things differently sometimes. You don’t need to bring the other person over to your side. First, seek to understand theirs. You might learn something new or expand your own thinking. At the very least, you’ll get to know them better. […]
Words to avoid: “It’s your issue. Not mine.”
It might technically be true — maybe what’s coming up isn’t really about you. Maybe it’s shaped by your partner’s past, a sensitive spot, or their current state of mind. But saying “That’s your issue, not mine” misses the point.It sends the message: “Whatever you’re feeling, it’s not my problem.” 🎯 Even if the origin […]
Words to Use: “I can see how that came across wrong.”
So much of communication is about how our words are received, not just our intention.Even with the best intentions, our words don’t always land well or have the effect we hope. When our words don’t come across well, it’s important to own that, not shift the blame. It’s a way to stay present, stay open, […]