Often when you bring up an issue – even if you say it with sensitivity and with “I statements” and all – the other person may want to avoid dealing with the issue. Stay focused, don’t fall for their distractions. Some typical distractions are: Denial: “I would never do that.” Defensiveness: “You weren’t there, so […]
Keep focused on the issue. Don’t allow distractions Read More »
Paddle boarding – a metaphor for life. You can’t just wait for the waves to be calm before you stand up. It’s actually the paddling that keeps you on the board. It’s the forward motion that gives you the stability you need. Sometimes you just have to pick a direction and start pulling that paddle
It’s the paddling that keeps you standing. Read More »
Is it possible that you tend to interpret ambiguous information negatively? Why is that? Do you judge yourself harshly and you just assume that others will judge you harshly too? Do you subconsciously feel that you are not worthy of respect and adoration so you hear things that aren’t even there? Do you have a
Do you hear criticism where none is intended? Read More »
Do you find yourselves bickering or fighting over trivial things? It might be worthwhile to reflect and try to uncover the patterns of those fights. Once you know your triggers, you can begin to address those. Do you tend to fight right before you are leaving the house? Right before one of you is going
Look for the patterns of your fights Read More »
Instead of going head to head on the issue, go shoulder to shoulder as you work toward a resolution. Don’t be seeking to blame or shift responsibility. Rather, you should be looking at the issue; clarifying it, addressing it and resolving it – with courage and confidence. 1. Name the issue. Get clear on the
Confront the issue, not the person. Read More »
Many issues are complex and need to be looked at from several angles. You might think of it as a beach ball – with each stripe a different color, all part of the larger picture. Each stripe represents another aspect to consider – your perspective, your spouse’s point of view, time, finances, each child individually,
The beachball model of solving issues Read More »
As in all communication, the apology is in the hands of the receiver. You may be very sincere, but it is up to the receiver to determine if the apology makes its mark on them. If your spouse is still upset after you apologize, you might ask: “I know that I hurt you. I can
If your spouse isn’t satisfied with your apology, apologize again in a different way Read More »
If there is a behavior that your spouse does that you find frustrating you may ask for them to change that behavior. You can ask, and of course, it is up to them to decide to work on that. How you ask can make all the difference. Your relationship up to that point matters. If
How to ask your spouse for a change in behavior. Read More »
Feeling frustrated with your spouse? Do something extra for them. Say something nice, plan a surprise date night, give a gift ‘just because’. It can be something quite small or large – up to you. While this may seem counterintuitive, studies have shown that giving and doing for others brings physical and mental benefits to
Want to be happier in your marriage? Do something nice for your spouse. Read More »
People are either thermostats or thermometers. They either simply reflect the climate around them – like a thermometer. Or they set the climate around them – like a thermostat. Do you set the emotional tone in your life, in your family, in your marriage? Do you influence, or are you influenced? To be more of
Are you a thermostat or a thermometer? Read More »
