JOT general

Apologies aren’t meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future

When someone feels wronged by another person, the wrongful act stands as a barrier between them, and the relationship is somewhat fractured. You can’t change the past, but what happens next can make all the difference. A sincere apology can bring reconciliation and growth to the relationship. However, if that apology does not come, then […]

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Feed yourself too.

JOT general / Admin

Don’t be the starving baker, the one who is so busy baking bread for everyone else, they forget to eat themselves. Food is all around, yet they are still starving. Save some time and energy for yourself.

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Be your spouse’s cheerleader from the sidelines

JOT general / Admin

Your spouse wants to try something new – a diet, a side hustle business, whatever. Of course, you want to show your support, but don’t overdo it. Don’t take over. – Show that you believe that they are fully capable of making good choices and succeeding. Don’t jump in with your own ideas, unless you

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Encourage your spouse when they feel down

JOT general / Admin

They need to be reassured that you still think they are wonderful, even if the rest of the world doesn’t. • Show that you are on the same team against the problem. Running into a financial setback? cut back on some luxuries. Stick up for your spouse if someone has rejected them, insulted them, etc.

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Stop doing so much for your spouse

JOT general / Admin

Is it possible that you are unintentionally ‘parenting’ your spouse – i.e. doing for them because you think they can’t do it right on their own? Of course, spouses do for each other. And not because they expect to get anything back. But if you are doing it because you think that they can’t do

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Support your spouse in the way they want support

JOT general / Admin

“Supportive” means different things to different people. There are 4 general ways of support: • physical comfort and emotional support – listening and empathizing, taking your spouse’s hand, giving your spouse a hug • esteem support – expressing confidence in your partner, providing encouragement • informational support – giving advice, gathering information • tangible support

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It’s not enough to love in your heart; they have to know it.

JOT general / Admin

It doesn’t matter how much you love someone. What matters is that they know it. The things we feel about one another so often go unexpressed, because we’re busy or thoughtless. Or, because we assume they know. Or, because we want to express it in the most perfect way, so we keep thinking about how

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Love them in the way they prefer – even if you don’t understand it.

JOT general / Admin

Hallmark, jewelers, chocolatiers and thousands of other marketers are telling us what gifts we ought to be wanting and giving to show our love. But those may not be what your spouse wants at all. Expressing love is about the other, so do it their way. Your spouse is unique and may have unique and

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Make your thinking visible.

JOT general / Admin

Help your spouse see and understand your thought process as you come to your decisions. Explain the criteria you consider. How you think about who else may be impacted by the decision. Talk about any risks and trade-offs you assess. Share your priorities, values, fears, goals, dreams and how those all fit into your thought

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Use gentler words for productive discussions.

JOT general / Admin

Softer, gentle language is better received by others. You can get the same message across with a softer tone. The conversation stays focused on the topic and doesn’t get argumentative because of unfortunate choice of words. Use ‘I statements’. “When _____, I feel ______” Choose words that foster collaboration rather than defensiveness or defiance. “How

Use gentler words for productive discussions. Read More »

Apologies aren’t meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future

Feed yourself too.

Be your spouse’s cheerleader from the sidelines

Encourage your spouse when they feel down

Stop doing so much for your spouse

Support your spouse in the way they want support

It’s not enough to love in your heart; they have to know it.

Love them in the way they prefer – even if you don’t understand it.

Make your thinking visible.

Use gentler words for productive discussions.

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