If there is something you want to bring up, it might be best to craft it as a question. The answer may be insightful for you and can get the wheels turning in their head about the issue. “I am so happy for you that you love your new job. Do your friends mention that […]
A question can be a powerful way to get someone thinking. Read More »
“No, I am not sure I do. But I want to understand. Can you help me?” This should come from genuine curiosity – your tone and body language will follow your intention.
How to respond to “You know what I mean” Read More »
Labels aren’t helpful. When you label, diagnose or attribute a negative personality trait to your partner, you begin to believe that they can never change. Rather, describe the behavior that you are noticing. Be realistic about how often it really happens. And be curious about triggers might be prompting the different behaviors. “Sometimes he withdraws
Don’t label or diagnose your spouse Read More »
Sure, there may be a grain of truth in almost any negative thought, but blaming the other makes you feel helpless and trapped – that things probably won’t get any better. A more effective way of approaching this is to take a “Let’s fix it together” approach. You can validate each other, share responsibility for
Blaming can make you feel trapped Read More »
Literal definition: Strength In other words: Restraint – Channeling – Focus – Discernment – Respect for boundaries – Discipline EXPRESSIONS of Gevurah: • Gevurah is about setting up boundaries and standards so that our kindness, love, giving and all activities in our lives have focus and direction; this is what yields success. Through Gevurah, we
Gevura (sefira: week 2) Read More »
Putting your own feelings, thoughts, and comments on hold while you focus on your spouse’s emotions until they have shared all of their feelings and feel understood. Wait until your spouse has finished talking; wait for silence of 3 seconds. Ask “Is there more?” and allow them to add some more.
Ask “Is there more?” Read More »
Don’t assume that you know the other person’s intentions. Too often, we infer their intentions. And we get it wrong. Those assumptions lead to frustration, blame and then resentment. “He left it behind because he doesn’t care how important it is to me.” “She didn’t do what I asked because she really doesn’t care about
Assumptions lead to blame, frustration and resentment. Read More »
Ask yourself: “What can I do today to make my partner happy?” And mean it.
Look for ways to make your spouse happy. Read More »
CHESED (Sefira: Week 1) Literal definition: Kindness (Loving Kindness) In other words: Nurturing. Warmth. Providing someone’s needs. Love. Chassidus explains that “Ahavah love” is from the word Ovoh. Which is Netiyas Hanefesh, wanting to connect. Gravitating to another on a soul level. Not the shallow ‘love’ of the common secular vernacular. – EXPRESSIONS of Chesed
Chesed (sefira: week 1) Read More »
Too often, we lose ourselves in the busyness and stress of our days and lives. Too often, we put ourselves last. But in reality, it is especially in those most stressful and busy times that you need a little bit of ‘me-time’ to continue plowing forward. And those around you need you to have that
It only takes a few minutes to recharge. Find the time. Read More »
