Feedback and respectful confrontation are gifts we share to help one another grow. The key is your intent. If you really are providing the feedback to help your spouse, your words and tone should reflect that. That is, once you know the best way to share your insights. – Start off by asking for permission […]
Feedback is a gift to help you grow. Read More »
Catastrophizing is overestimating the importance of something that happens to us. Catastrophizations are exaggerations that don’t reflect the truth. In the heat of the moment, it can be really easy to feel like this one bad thing is going to change the course of our lives forever – or that it really is “the end
Don’t catastrophize. Read More »
Self improvement requires a balance of going outside of your “comfort zone,” but also recognizing when it’s time to go back inside your “comfort zone” to relax and re-energize.
Comfort Zone: Know when to leave and when to stay. Read More »
Have you slept enough? Have you eaten properly? If the answer is no, then save your arguing for the morning. Often you will find that once you have slept and eaten you see things from a different perspective and you no longer feel angry.
If you feel angry, first self-reflect. Read More »
No one has the right to dictate how someone else will receive your words or their feelings or reactions. Thus, you really should not use the cliche “Don’t take this in the wrong way, but ….” There is no such thing as “the wrong way.” The receiver is going to take the speaker’s words the
You can’t tell people how to take in your words. Read More »
There are times that our spouse calls out to us and we really do not hear them. We may be too far to hear their voice. Or deeply engaged in our work. Or have headphones on. Or on the phone. or… or …. When you do hear and are able to listen, simply state “I’m
Let your spouse know when you are listening. Read More »
Not forgiving is like trying to punish the other – by harming yourself. The unforgiveness may be aimed at the other, but in reality you are only wounding yourself. Forgiveness is giving up the idea that the past could have had different results. It is about letting go of a hurtful situation and moving on
Forgive to move on Read More »
According to the Gottman Institute, 94% of the time, the way the conversation begins determines how it ends. In other words, discussions will end on the same note they begin. If you start an argument harshly by attacking your partner, you will end up with at least as much tension as you began with, if
Start conversations about conflict – softly. Read More »
Criticizing puts more attention on the thing/person being criticized. Complaining puts more attention on the person complaining. When you criticize something, you’re saying “Here’s what’s wrong with it/you,” but when you complain you’re saying “I’m not happy about this.” It may just be semantics, but there is a difference in the mindset and attitude. Complaining
Complain or criticize? Read More »
Does your spouse feel that they can really share their feelings and thoughts and they will be received with respect? Do they feel relaxed enough to be themselves 100%. A happy marriage is one where both feel safe. Safety depends on attitudes and behaviors that support emotional connection and deep respect for each other. If
Is your marriage the safest place in your spouse’s life? Read More »
