JOT

An effective structure of a complaint: the Complaint Sandwich. The hope when expressing a complaint is that the other person will listen and make some change. How the complaint is crafted (and delivered) is important. Guy Winch, in his book Squeaky Wheel, recommends a formula called “the complaint sandwich”. The first “slice of bread” in

Complaints have 2 elements – the feelings and the task. When we complain, there are the feelings (upset, lonely, invisible, disrespected, underappreciated) and the desire for something to be different (share responsibilities, more time together). Often, we can respectfully share both with our spouse in one conversation. But sometimes, after thinking about it, we recognize

Preparing for an effective complaint. Something is bothering you and you want an adjustment. It is worthwhile to think through how you will present it so that you will more likely be heard and there will be some change. Determine that this is worth bringing up. Is this something that has a possibility of being

Tune into what is under the complaint. There’s a value of yours that is not being addressed. People complain because something that matters to us isn’t going as we expected. Instead of owning that unmet expectation and sharing how much it matters to us, we complain. Complaints indicate what people care about most – about

Complaining is feedback, it is not criticizing. There is a place for complaints in a marriage. There will be issues or differences in every marriage, and there will always be a need for adjustments to be made – all through the life of a marriage. If these are unaddressed, they just pile up until the