Self-doubt when starting something new or during transitions is normal. We are about dive into something with which we don’t have much experience. So, it makes sense that we might have some uncomfortable feelings and fears. When we are in the throes of self-doubt, we often feel frozen or overwhelmed. At that point, our attention […]
Self-doubt helps us know what to work on. Read More »
Time takes time. There is no shortcut. Building a successful marriage relationship takes time. It is only with time that you learn the ebb and flow of your marriage. It takes time to know what makes each other tick, what you each like and dislike, how to make each other smile, how to pull the
Do you point out other people’s faults? Not necessarily directly to that person, but maybe just to the people around you. “Look at that guy…” “She looks so …” “Why does she do that?” So often that comes from our own smallness, and we are seeking to feel superior. It is an attempt to raise
We judge others harshly because we judge ourselves harshly. Read More »
When you ask “What does [it] mean to you?” with genuine curiosity, you are seeking to get to know the other person a bit better. People can have varied thoughts and feelings about the same situation or experience. Similarly, words have different connotations for different people. “What does that award mean to you?” “What does
Words to use: “What does it mean to you” Read More »
If we have expectations* of people, one of two things can happen and neither is good. 1. We have an expectation of someone and they don’t live up to it. Then, we feel disappointed or frustrated or angry. This leads to nagging, bickering or resentment. 2. We have an expectation of someone and they do
There’s nothing good about expectations. Read More »
An assumption is something that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. We assume somebody will do something. We assume that the activity will be accomplished. But there’s no proof that it will happen. An expectation is a hope or belief that something will happen. We hope or believe that something
Instead of having assumptions and expectations, make agreements. Read More »
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” – William Arthur Ward Sometimes, we really are grateful for what someone has done for us – but still we don’t express it to them.Not necessarily because we didn’t want to. Maybe we couldn’t find the best way or words,
“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Read More »
Know each other’s strengths and gifts, and then highlight and appreciate those. Work together to develop those strengths. People calibrate their behavior based on what is valued and recognized, and what isn’t. Our beliefs about our spouse really affect how they view themselves in life in general and in the marriage. When you are cognizant
Focus on your spouse’s strengths to strengthen your marriage. Read More »
This is a great question to ask when something didn’t pan out as you had expected or hoped. You can ask this question to yourself as a reflection question. You might think along the lines of “What can I tweak to get different results?” “What could I do to prevent this from happening in the
Words to use: “What could I have done differently?” Read More »
Of course, you and your spouse should have a deep friendship with each other. Additionally, you each should have friends besides each other – in a healthy balance. After spending some time with friends, we can come back to the relationship feeling fulfilled and energized. Make time for your friends. Allow time for your spouse’s
It’s important to have friends when you’re married. Read More »
