Our words create our reality. Hearing oneself apologizing all the time can lead a person to start feeling bad about being themselves. Sometimes, it isn’t an apology that is in order, but rather some gratitude. Instead of “I’m sorry I’m always late”, say “Thank you for waiting for me.” Instead of “I’m sorry I always […]
Instead of “I’m sorry”, say “Thank you” Read More »
Your spouse is upset. By something you said or did. Even if you are not wrong. No matter how it happened. No matter the intention. And since you care so much about your spouse and the marriage, acknowledge that you did somehow contribute to their upset. Later you can ask what you did that upset
Say “I’m Sorry I upset you” even when you are not wrong Read More »
Do not keep replaying the offense in your mind. Do not dwell on your hurt feelings or pain. Release the person from your judgment. Consciously, decide to forgive them. Though you may not be able to forget what happened, you can make the decision not to dwell on past offenses. You if you put too
Forgiving is not forgetting. It is changing how you think about the hurt. Read More »
Accept the apology when it’s sincerely given. (You can tell the difference. If it wasn’t given honestly, there was no apology, thus nothing to accept.) Don’t say flip phrases like, “Oh forget it,” “You don’t have to apologize,” “It was nothing.” It’s too easy to go there when everyone is clearly uncomfortable. But you both
Accept the apology gracefully. Read More »
“I’m sorry, but there’s a lot going on in my life” and “I’m sorry, but was exhausted” diffuse responsibility. They’re excuses. Similarly, “that’s not who I am” announces that you were possessed by some sort of demon. If you said it, it is indeed who you are. It’s up to you to face that unpleasant
How not to apologize: “sorry but” Read More »
Two words that have no place in any apology: “obviously” and “misconstrued.” – “I obviously didn’t mean to hurt you.” The word “obviously” is not a humble word. If you obviously didn’t mean the horrible thing you said, why did you say it? And if something really is obvious—if, say, you obviously didn’t intend to
How not to apologize: using words like “obviously” and “misconstrued” Read More »
Don’t be “sorry if” anyone was hurt by your words or actions. Be sorry *that* you were hurtful. Own it. The “if” adds a shadow of doubt— hey, maybe you didn’t say or do anything nasty after all! “If” is cowardly; “that” takes responsibility. Similarly, “it distresses me that you’re upset” is weaselly: You’re implying
How not to apologize: “sorry if …” Read More »
In any marriage there will be spats and thus occasions for apologizing. It just makes sense to apologize and continue with your loving relationship. But sometimes that seems very hard. —- Some things to consider as you wait for the other one to apologize. – The one who apologizes first is the stronger and braver
The first one to apologize is the stronger one. Read More »
Asking for forgiveness places control in the other person’s hands, since he/she doesn’t have to forgive you just because you’ve apologized. Note: There is a difference between asking for forgiveness and DEMANDING forgiveness. Words you might use: “I care about you a lot. Will you please forgive me?” – “I know it might take you
Request forgiveness. Read More »
How you accept an apology from your spouse will impact if you will get apologies in the future; after all, arguments and injuries are inevitable in a marriage. Accept the apology gracefully. If you make it hard to apologize, your spouse will be less forthcoming in the future. Accepting the apology gracefully and forgiving is
Accept an apology gracefully Read More »
