When trying to make progress toward a goal, sometimes it is helpful to pretend that the goal has been achieved (even if the goal is just one tiny step) and act in that way. At least for a short time. For example, you have a goal of being more assertive at work, or being more […]
Act “as if” your goal has been reached Read More »
If someone around you is having pessimistic, defeatist thoughts (or maybe yourself), ask: “Could it be worse?” If they are honest, they will probably give an affirmative answer to this. Then ask them how it is not worse than it is, and how they made that happen. “How is not worse than it could be?
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“Playing small” is when we dismiss what we truly want in life in order to maintain a present-moment – short-term, temporary – illusion of comfort, security, acceptance, or control. Such actions are motivated by our fears, insecurities, low self-worth, and scarcity. It’s impulsive, reactive — and often frantic. By contrast, “playing big” means we’re willing
Humor is such a powerful (yet underrated) trait. Humor can really help you get through some tough times. Humor relieves tension during crises. It lightens the mood and puts people at ease; when there’s tension in the room, humor helps you and the others to relax, think more clearly, and make better decisions. Humor softens
Laugh your way through a problem Read More »
A “Superman” or “Wonder Woman” persona can be alienating in relationships. It puts a wall between you and other people – making you seem untouchable and unrelatable. Vulnerability is crucial for intimacy. Vulnerability is not weak, rather it is the greatest form of courage. Brene Brown defines vulnerability as “the willingness to show up and
Vulnerability makes you human. Read More »
When you live by your strengths and passions, you accomplish more and are happier. How to discover your hidden strengths: Ask yourself these questions. Use lots of details to really paint a picture. Write down your answers. It can be helpful to do this with a caring friend or your spouse. What are you proud
Live by your strengths. Read More »
While ultimately the goal is to have a better future, the process of getting there can make a huge difference. In the problem-solving model, we often get stuck by thinking and talking about a situation in a problem-focused way, paying much attention to the (causes in the) unwanted past. This can be demoralizing, and then
Not problem-solving, rather solution-finding. Read More »
What you give attention to will grow. Give positive reinforcement to what is working, and withhold attention from aspects that don’t work well. Think and talk about the positive in a situation rather than focus on what is wrong. You want the positivity to grow, not the negative aspects.
Water the flowers, not the weeds. Read More »
There are times that some people want to show off to others that they are savvy or smart. In this quest of trying to portray themselves as superior, they might bully, belittle another, or scam another person. Just to get boasting rights. Such people typically have low self-esteem. Feeling small, they seek to make themselves
When hurt people hurt you, empathize. Read More »
Do you (sometimes) redirect a negative emotion that belongs in one situation to someone else? Did your boss/friend/colleague/ stranger say something upsetting and you let out that frustration on your spouse/child? That is displacing, a psychological defense mechanism that many of us develop to deal with difficult emotions. Instead of dealing with the stressful situation
Are you displacing your negative emotions? Read More »
