Should spouses tell each other everything? In one word, no. While one spouse may be more comfortable disclosing than the other, she or he should not expect to hear every thought, action, urge or memory of their partner. We need different degrees of solitude to re-charge, regulate stress and nurture a sense of self – […]
You don’t have to tell your spouse everything Read More »
The goal of offering the advice is that the other person is empowered to resolve an issue or improve on something. Therefore, it is worthwhile to present that advice in a way that it will be best received. The “information sandwich” technique is a three-step process for making information (the contents of the sandwich) palatable
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Frustrating and escalating fights happen when couples approach their argument with a goal of winning. Naturally, there can only be one winner, and since both want to win and both feel they are correct, it usually does not end well. Instead the goal of the argument should be to understand the other person’s position as
The goal of an argument is to understand – not to win. Read More »
Having a partner who has different interests means that both of you get the chance to introduce each other to new things. This is also a way of sharing a part of yourselves with each other. Be curious about what interests your spouse. This is what makes your life richer and more beautiful. You may
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Schedule a date night or day often. Put it on your calendar. Keep that time sacred. While it is worthwhile to set aside a budget for special times, it doesn’t always have to cost money. A nice walk on the beach. A drive to nowhere. Walk through a new neighborhood. Stay home and play a
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Some words to avoid: “Whatever, it’s fine.” Your instinct may be to avoid conflict by bowing out early. You should be tackling problems together; that is part of being in a solid relationship. Rather say, “Let’s talk this through.” “I hear your perspective. I think it might work.”
Words to Avoid: “Whatever, it’s fine.” Read More »
Bringing up old problems will just exacerbate the intensity of the upset. Additionally, it will probably send the current problem to the back as you end up discussing all the previous problems too. Plus, your spouse will be hurt that you still haven’t let go of past grievances. — Instead of: -“You always are losing
Good feelings generate more good feelings –at least most of the time. It is vitally important for good momentum to continuously build in your relationship. Even after a major conflict. Or perhaps, especially then. The absolutely wrong time to act on anger and resentment of the conflict is when you are presented with an opportunity
Good feelings generate more good feelings Read More »
Love is not just an emotion. It is also a decision. If you marry someone, this person becomes your top priority. Just making them happy, being generous and caring should be an automatic, almost contractual obligation. Just as most consider fidelity to be a non-negotiable responsibility in a marriage, consider being kind, forgiving and generous
Love is a decision Read More »
Avoid global labels – criticizing the whole person, rather than the action. When criticizing the person instead of the action, you are essentially saying that the other person is bad, to the core. In using global labels you are trying to wash your hands of any responsibility for the problem or your feelings around their
Address the current action, not the person Read More »
