Listen first. Listen second. Listen some more. Only begin to speak when your listening has brought you to empathy and wisdom. In your listening, you might ask good questions: – Can you give an example when this happened recently? – How is this impacting you? – What might I do to support you? – What […]
Listen first. Listen second. Listen some more. Then you can speak. Read More »
Feedback and hearing others’ perspectives is how we grow and learn about each other. It is important in a relationship. But giving feedback can be stressful – both to the receiver and the giver. When receiving feedback, most people jump into self-preservation mode and defend themselves. And just knowing that the other may not accept
Develop a culture of asking for feedback Read More »
The phrase “Choose your battles” is about recognizing that bringing up the topic will have consequences to the relationship. Life is too short to spend it on warring, and thus choose a battle that is critical and will bring you to a better place rather than fighting for fighting sake. Fight only the most, most,
Choose your battles Read More »
Feedback gives you information about yourself that you’re unable to see on your own. Your spouse doesn’t have to give it, but they care enough to take the risk. Focus on the message to see if it’s true so you can decide what change might be needed.
Reframe feedback as a gift, not an attack Read More »
“I care, therefore I criticize,” or “I’m telling you this because I care about you.” To the one who is being told to do things differently, what comes through loudest and clearest is the criticism. But the one offering suggestions and judgments is usually focused on the caring. Why the disconnect? So much depends on
Caring and criticizing Read More »
We’re not talking about hurting your partner’s feelings on purpose. Not every conversation will be comfortable. Sometimes something must be brought up for the sake of the relationship, for the family, for your spouse’s betterment. It is quite possible that your spouse may be slightly hurt or even very hurt. If your spouse does something
Be willing to hurt each other’s feelings Read More »
Of course everyone is indeed entitled to their opinion. Yet, the phrase “I’m entitled to my opinion” has a negative undertone. It gives the impression that you want to close the conversation and do not care to hear the other opinion(s) being offered in the discussion. Even worse, it has the connotation that further discussion
Words to avoid: “I’m entitled to my opinion” Read More »
Studies are showing that thinking and speaking in positive language can literally change your brain. Hearing and using positive language can make you feel great—physically, mentally and emotionally. On the flip side, negative language can block the brain’s natural de-stress mechanisms. It might be worthwhile to think about some phrases you use often and replace
Use positive words Read More »
1. Have an objective; what do you want to achieve by bringing up this point? Take a moment to figure out what will make you feel satisfied or better. 2. Talk only when you are calm. If you are asking for a change from someone, it is best to bring it up when you are
A better complaint Read More »
Don’t make your spouse guess at your reasonings. Explaining your thinking helps them understand how you came to that conclusion. In this way, they can better see the integrity of your decision. And it can help them as they try to integrate it into their life (if they so choose). Share clearly and fully. The
Share your rationale and thinking Read More »
