When your spouse shares about something that is making them feel down, your role as their spouse is to make them feel supported and not alone. Let them know you appreciate their sharing with you and acknowledge that it might have been difficult to do so. When you do this, it signals that you are […]
I’m glad you told me Read More »
“You have a fine eye for details. It’s the little things all together that really make this project pop.” Unique (not cliché) Not “You’re the greatest! “Your outlook on life is so refreshing.” Specific, include details “Getting down to the kid’s eye level really helped calm him down. You really have a knack with kids.”
A good compliment is … Genuine (and generous) Read More »
Some people distort and exaggerate the truth when they want to convince someone that they are right and the other is wrong. The other person will likely recognize that distortion of the truth and will focus on that. They will move the conversation to discredit the exaggeration. Additionally, they will recognize that you are trying
When talking about what you might do to improve or enhance your marriage, write it all down. Firstly, it shows that you are taking the conversation seriously. And you will also have a good recording of what was shared; this will help you remember. The act of writing it down is not only so you
During tough convos, write it down. Read More »
The phrase ‘elephant in the room’ refers to an obvious problem or difficult situation that people do not want to talk about. Ignoring an obvious problem is a type of conflict avoidance- people fear the stress and negativity that could result, especially from pointing out what feels like an “obvious” problem. In reality, you can’t
Don’t avoid talking about it. Read More »
No one has the right to dictate how someone else will receive your words or their feelings or reactions. Thus, you really should not use the cliche “Don’t take this in the wrong way, but ….” There is no such thing as “the wrong way.” The receiver is going to take the speaker’s words the
You can’t tell people how to take in your words. Read More »
There are times that our spouse calls out to us and we really do not hear them. We may be too far to hear their voice. Or deeply engaged in our work. Or have headphones on. Or on the phone. or… or …. When you do hear and are able to listen, simply state “I’m
Let your spouse know when you are listening. Read More »
According to the Gottman Institute, 94% of the time, the way the conversation begins determines how it ends. In other words, discussions will end on the same note they begin. If you start an argument harshly by attacking your partner, you will end up with at least as much tension as you began with, if
Start conversations about conflict – softly. Read More »
Talk softly. The louder someone yells, the less likely they are to be heard. Even if your spouse yells, there’s no need to yell back. Taking the volume down makes it possible for people to start focusing on the issue instead of reacting to the noise.
Lower the volume during an argument. Read More »
Reframe the problem with a more positive thought-provoking statement: “How might we…?” This encourages us to think creatively about solution generation. There is a lot of power in the word ‘might’. When we hear words like ‘can’ and ‘should’, there is some level of judging, and defenses go up. Thoughts like ‘can we really do
The “how might we…” power question Read More »
